Here's some pictures

Here's some pictures of my critters. Not much has been going on lately. I've been working on organizing my wash room and pantry. That's it for today.

Stinky

Baby

Bruno

Hot Dog

our pond is full again

Sister...

Sorry about publishing this without the post.

This week, I took Candy back to the doctor for her one month post check up. I ask the doctor a few questions and also busted her.

Candy is now at day 54 of no smoking. The doctor applauds her.

Coyly... she ask if she can exercise and the doc says you should have been walking for 30 to 50 minutes a day, five days a week. Really?

Duh...I've been telling her that for a month. It's in her post surgery notes from her doctor. Candy acts so surprised. It is just so hard to get her up and going in the morning, in the day time and at night.

You know she is a Gemini and I am learning some truths about her. Here are some of her excuses.

Candy, does the doctor want you to stop diet drinks? "It's OK." The doctor says "No."
Candy, does the doctor want you to stay in bed all day? "But, I don't feel good."
Candy, does the doctor want you to eat a heart healthy diet? "Well...I suppose."
Candy, does the doctor want you to stay up all night? "I can't help that I don't sleep"

I ask the doctor to get her a dietitian to help her with her food and portion sizes. He orders it. Driving home... I told her no more waiting on her. If she really needed it I would still help her because that is who I am.

I know I have had excuses in the past, and I know we all have done the same thing. But I hope she does take this time to better herself and not fall into her old patterns of helplessness.

Tomorrow, I am driving her home for a few days so she can attend her granddaughter's birthday.
I know that will inspire her. Yeah! I get a few days to myself. Believe me I need it. We been running through different scenarios and how she should respond to them in regards to her DIL.
I hope the DIL behaves.

I realize there are givers and takers in this World... even with sisters. I am going with her to her therapist tomorrow. Should I speak up or keep my big mouth shut? As frustrated as I am I don't want to hurt her in any way. I've been so outspoken. She reminds me of our mother. I wonder how we both came from the same mother. All I can say...is...that it is what it is...and I'm OK with it.

I'm still here and I'm venting...

We are going on forty-three days taking care of Candy. It has been a challenge. Sometimes this feels like a life sentence and I don't like myself for being so selfish. I honestly don't see an end to this. She can't remember what day of the week it is or conversations we have already had. She can't take care of herself. She has lots of accidents and spills things on my furniture and carpet. Four times, I have ask her not to take cran-grape juice to her bedroom and four times she has spilled it on the carpet and the bed.

She is in a lot of pain from her back. She moans and groans so much that I am about to loose it. I finally told her that making all that noise doesn't help her feel any better. Is she the only one in pain? I think not, but I don't complain about my pain.

We've lost all privacy. No more quite times in our home. Constant chattering. She talks incessantly to us, our cats, the dog and her cat. While I feel like she is the selfish one and not me, I'm sure I am the selfish one. My patience is limited. I am stuck in a place that I don't like to be and I see no end in sight. I am constantly apologizing for my bad behavior. I don't want to be this person, but sadly I am. We (Hubs and I ) live a solitary life without much drama or chaos. I know I'm going to miss this when she is gone?

The plans for her future are long and drawn out. She is a hoarder. In the last twenty years, I have helped her purge and clean her home so many times that I can't even remember. I'm just the opposite. Clutter makes me crazy. One of the differences Candy pointed out between us. According to her, I am OCD and super organized, while she says she is a free spirit and unorganized. There may be some truth to this. Sadly, I know this will take months for us to clean up her home. I am dreading it.

She acts like a four old with no breakers on her impulsiveness. If she wants it she gets it. She tells me that she is a grown woman, and I tell her to act like it then. I feel that her life style has put her in this situation. How's that working for you, sis? Sadly, I'm afraid that she will not make the changes she needs to make. Only time will tell.

I am sure that I drive her crazy as well. I am thankful I'm able to care for her, but inside I am feeling some resentment. Good grief! Why am I acting this way? Her comments painfully remind me of our childhood. I feel that she thinks she is superior to me. I feel that I have out grown her shadow. She is trying to put me back in that shadow. Folks...I'm not going back there. Do older sisters do that to the younger sister?

Sister has other problems and I feel small for complaing. We go to the doctor Feb. 1st. I hope to get some answers to my questions. So many things I don't understand about her bi-polar illness. What is causing the memory loss? I wonder if that has a lot to do with it? Well...there I've finished my rant. I hope today will be better. Please excuse me today as I have had it.

I'm still here..

Just a note to say hi and to let you know that I am still here. It has been over a month now that Candy had her heart attack and her first stent. Two weeks since her second stent and getting out of the hospital. I'm not sure what she should be able to do as far as exercise or physical activity.

Yesterday, we went to Michael's and Target. She slowly walked behind her cart. I can't get her to do any exercise at home so the next best thing is to go shopping. I curled her hair, she put on make up, and looked very nice. I know that made her feel better. I told her that if she became tired I would take her back to my home. We had a good time.

I think she over did it, but today she can rest. Most heart attacks patients are up and doing physical therapy immediately. I am worried because she is tired and stays in bed a lot. To give her a change, we are making wreaths right now. Everyday I try to let her do a little more on her on. I am worried about her memory because she can't remember anything. She keeps forgetting where she has placed her phone and medicines.

Any advice from you would be helpful. Candy returns to the doctor Feb. 1st. for her check up. I have a list of questions to ask. I thought we had everything lined out before her last visit to the doctor. I think she is so afraid she will have another attack. Her fear maybe what is holding her back. Please keep her in your prayers and send good thoughts her way.