Saturday, July 26, 2008

Loneliness

Loneliness is so hard to describe, I mean you can be in a room full of people and be so alone. A room full of your family, no one really cares to talk with you or even be interested in my day or what I am about. Seems like my family has left me...no one really needs me and I feel like I don't exist anymore, Defined by my family and now I am lost without that definition. Loneliness, sadness, heart ache because you give your entire life to love your family and then they just move on and forget you. Shh! I'm listening to the news; can't talk now, that's stupid; quit feeling sorry for yourself...Just excuses I have heard so many times... just blow me off...I am invisible. I think I will just fade away and no one would notice. Perhaps my friends would but my family...well not too sure about them. I am desperately lonely, I miss the sound of laughter, even football, just the noise. I don't miss being screamed at by Doc, but I miss him so much. Just hope he is happy in this new job because I am not. I feel left behind. Yes, I am thankful he is happy, because that is all I really care about. His happiness, not mine,but does he care about me? If actions speak louder than words, well there is not much to talk about. He shows no interest in me physically or emotionally. That breaks my heart that I feel this way. Pray that I am wrong, but I am pretty sure that he could live without me. Don't think I could live without him.

3 comments:

polyglot said...

My heart aches for you in your pain. I know what you mean about loneliness, as I've often felt the same way. You do have to learn who you are and find things to do for yourself. You mentioned learning to play the violin - go for it! I'm learning to play the fiddle - same instrument, just a different style of music. I think that music can help to heal our spirits.

Brian T said...

I think you are crazy but you are my mom and I love you!!

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