Sunday, September 21, 2008

When I am not myself...

Today is a really bad day for my arthristis and the meds are not working. I am about to the point of just giving up trying to alievate the pain. Everything makes me sick to my stomach and the quality of my life is not good at this point. I feel like I am on fire. I know that pain makes me depressed and I am that. It is hard to do much of anything when I hurt. I try to ignore it, laugh it off, be angry with it, but nothing seems to be working. Damn Pain...I hate it! I know it is merely mind over matter. Right?

I have been going to the specialist for 6 months and other than the first month of treatment, I have been in PAIN the whole time. Ugh...I don't even want to be around myself, so it's hard to imagine that my husband or family would. Good thing my hubby works out of town and does not come home very often. The hardest part has been the weight gain and the swelling of my joints and hands. I can not hold anything in my hand without dropping it. I pray that tomorrow will be better. I just do not know how anyone lives in constant pain. I am a big baby and I do not like this pain.

Oddly enough typing does not hurt as much as hand writing, so I am thankful for at least one good thing today. I hurt sitting, standing, laying down and walking. There is no confortable position to ease my pain. Please excuse me for even writing about this stupid RA. Tomorrow has to be better.

1 comment:

Dawn said...

I don't think mind over matter is going to work with RA... but chronic pain is depressing. I have suffered with Fibromyalgia for years. Sometimes I feel great. Other times crappy. I don't blog about it because it's not easily explained and I refuse to allow my illness to define me.

Here's what I do know. It's not your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. The pain is real... not imagined. And above all...Take care of YOU because no one else is going to.