Yesterday was a lousy day. There was a lot of tension in the air at my home. Sometimes home does not feel safe to me. My husband has a drinking problem and that is the problem. His drinking takes me back to an unsafe place from my childhood.
A place that makes me tense and unhappy. A deep dark ugly hole that I retreat to when I feel threatened. He does not get it or understand that I had a tramatic childhood with a crazy alcholic suicidal mother. The anger she spewed from her mouth was deafening. It defeated all hopes I had of a normal family life.
After his tirade, I wanted to crawl into the closet and hide for safety. My sister witnessed this as well and she was as sick as I was. I don't talk about this very often and I do try to keep up the pretenses, but his drinking has really bothered me for a long time. Of course, he does not think he has a problem?
So this is probably the only time I will mention it. I don't know how to accept the things I can not change. Just pray for us.