Monday, July 12, 2010

Hey something is different...

This morning I spent reading some of my older posts about moving. It still brings me to tears when I read about how hard leaving my former home, my floral business, church family and dear friends was for me. I have been in a blue funk as many of you know for at least the year before our move. Hubs was living in another town for a year before we found any land to buy. Oh my, I was so lonely and terribly sad. This was very traumatic for me. Not for Hubs. Men just don't think like women do. So how did I cope? Not very well, you see I just struggled along putting one foot in front of the other and tried not to think too much.

I had been in pain from RA and my knee was injured on March 8th and I was so depressed. I started seeing a chiropratic and a counselor. I have to tell you that finally and I mean knee is better at about 80% and I am not depressed. Thank you Lord for working in my life to mend me. When you live in pain all the time it really brings you down and it is hard to focus on anything else. Then to be depressed on top of that. all I can say.

So last week, I noticed something was different. Hmmmm....I feel good. This was a wondeful moment to see how far I had come. I can walk with out pain in my knee and carry groceries up the decks stairs. I am still not at a 100%, but I am on my way. I told my therapist that little bit of news and she ask me what I thought had happened.? I know I owe it all to God, but I think the other things helped me along the way.

I remember how Dr. John would say such comforting things to me about this move. For those of you that did not know him, he was a retired Luthern pastor. He went on to be with the Lord almost 5 months ago. He understood my sorrow. I sure miss him.

I want to thank my bloggy friends for lifting me up and help keeping me a float during this time. You will never know how much I appreciate all of you. I am starting to see a new me and I like her. While I may not have many friends here or a church that feels like home, I am so thankful for my bloggy friends. Your listening to me is the kindest thing anyone has done for me. It has not gone unnoticed and I am gratful to you.

I am no longer looking at what I left, but looking to what I have. Hubs will start a new project in another town soon. I am sorry, but he is not taking the travel trailer. He will have to get up early and drive to and from. Last summer he was in south Louisiana forever. That was really difficult on me trying to keep the house, yard and everything together.

I wish you love and peace.


Just Be Real said...

Dear one you have been through a lot. Glad things are becoming more clear and positive for you. Your focus is on things ahead. Amen. Thank you for sharing! Blessings.

Melissa Mashburn said...

It is a very cool feeling when we can perceive a shift in our thinking, even if it is only a small amount. You post sounded much happier than usual do. So even your feelings are showing up in your poss.

The Bear's Blog said...

Good Morning Pam,

Just meeting you I did not know about your knee. I am so happy that you are seeing improvement. Moving - it is stressful and yes men adjust quickly - they are away from the mess of unpacking for most of the day. They meet new people right away at their work and we are "left behind" to get everything & everyone settled in.

Have a wonderful day, full of sunshine and smiles.


Akelamalu said...

What an uplifting post Pam, I'm happy for you. :)

Rudee said...

It's good to hear you're feeling better. There is nothing quite like having that heavy burden lifted. I believe in my heart that pain causes depression which causes more pain which makes us more depressed. A vicious little cycle. Throw in some drastic change, like a major move, and the veil just gets heavier. Good for you for beating it all back.

Finding Pam said...

JBR, I knew it was going to be a hard move,just didn't know how it would affect me. Thank you for your support.

Melissa, I appreciate your comment. I usually try to not write about it. A shift in thinking is a blessing for me. I will try to stay positive.

Joyce, when any part of your body does not function properly, it throws your body into havoc. Moving after living in one place for so long was one of the hardest things I have done in a while. I appreciate your understanding.

Akelamula, thank you very much for the nice comment. xx

Rudee, your being a nurse is such a blessing to all. I thank you for your explaination of how the pain causes depression and more pain.

If we could harness the true power of the mind, then we could heal ourselves.

I forgot to ask if you took Leo on your trip?

DeEtta said...

Nothing more lonely than moving. It is a long hard process starting to feel at home. Reading about what you were experiencing has helped me.

I'm so happy you get getting better both physically and spiritually. It is truly one of Heavenly Father's "Tender Mercies".

Lily said...

What a positive post! When far enough away from the pain of a situation, we can see God's work. I'm so glad that you can see that now! :)

Nessa said...

I am so glad you are starting to feel better. It is very hard to make such a huge change especially when your body hurts. We have to grieve for our losses and each of us in our own time.

Finding Pam said...

DeEtta, I did not know you had moved? I am so thankful that I have friends that understand what that pain is all about. I never expected it to hit me so hard.

I am so thankful to God for mending my spirit and body.

Lily, I always have to remember that it is on GOd's time not mine. I am blessed that my heavenly Father never leaves my side.

Nessa, we had moved so much while in the service, but I did not know that I would need to grieve about it. You are so right. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

I always feel like I am a baby...OK, I am a baby and
and you know how no one wants to hear a big baby complain. I feel so much better now.I will do my best to stay the course.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are feeling better Pam - emotionally and physically :)

Finding Pam said...

Dawn, thank you my friend. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Big hugs to you.

Travis Cody said...

That's wonderful. I always try to find the positive in everything, but it's not always easy to do. I'm glad to hear that you have turned a corner.

Happy Monday!

DeEtta said...

Yes, about three years ago we moved from Northern California to Idaho. I lived here as a child but it was so long ago that I didn't know or recognize anybody. It has been hard making new friends and finding my place. It is still a work in progress.

crochet lady said...

I am glad you're looking forward!


Finding Pam said...

Travis, I am the same way about usually being positive. I want to pass GO and collect $200.00.
Definately turned that corner!

DeEtta, I would have never known that because you are so blessed with family. I enjoy all of your travels and adventures. I know I will make it. Thank you for sharing that with me.

Big hugs and love to you.

Jen, yes...looking forward from now on. Thank you for you comment.

Debra said...

So happy that things are getting better for you. It's great to have bloggy friends. Those that do not blog just do not understand...sigh..

My crazy ole left knee was doing just fine till I decided to clean house tonight. NOw its all flared up! :(

Blessings on ya dear bloggy friend,

Finding Pam said...

Debra, housework is injurous to your knee. I am sorry to hear of your injured knee. I hope your pain goes away soon.

Take care of your knee. I had to use crutches for a while, but thankfully I am so much better.

I loved your tour of Hansen's and it was so very educational about the disease.

Rambling Woods said...

I am so happy to hear this Pam.. pain and reduced mobility can be so frustrating and at times depressing. Good for you that you got some help. My daughter thinks that I should too. Hugs....Michelle

Finding Pam said...

Michelle, have you ever tried acupunture for your MS? Or chiropratic? I was leary at first, but since my regular doctors could not control the pain without a lot of drugs, I went and sought an alternative form of treatment.

I am a true believer. It is a whole concept of mind, body and spirit. I wish you luck.