Open wide..

My new dentist said he won't hurt me or cause me pain. That is so hard to believe. I went to the dentist today for a crown on my upper left back tooth. Talk about nervous. I have not had any cavities in about twenty years, needless to say this was totally exhausting from the wrenching and white knuckling I did to keep myself from loosing it. The little pill did not calm my nerves one bit.

Some how if I can divide the time into steps it is never as bad as it seems. So first step is the shots. They don't really hurt or scare me. Part one done, next step two is the drilling and removal of old cavity and more grinding of my tooth. I am so scared that I am shaking from fear. I have to tell you he was very patient and stopped often for me to breathe. After forty-five minutes of grinding and drilling he was through. Check step two.

Next is step three, the mold of my teeth for the crown to be made from. Not good. I gagged on the first try and had to wait till the mess was all dry before the attempted the second try. This is very upsetting to me and all I can do is apologize for my behavior.

I get up and go to the restroom to collect myself. I don't know how I am going to be able to sit back down in that chair and continue. They are waiting for me when I return. My mouth is shut so tight and I am scared to open it. After a few guttural sounds from me and deep breathing I open my tiny mouth for the doctor to fill all of that gunk into the mold. He says don't move. Press down, but I am gagging in the back of my throat.

By now I am praying the 23rd Psalms and trying to keep my composure. I feel it in my mouth. It is cool and icky like paste. It creeps me out for my tongue to touch it. I try to pretend it is bubblegum after it sets up. Four minutes and counting. Praying that I can keep it together. My heart is in my throat. This is the worst part for me. I am barely able to stand this much longer. The beeper goes off and he pulls all of that stuff out of my mouth. I pray that it took and that I don't have to repeat this step. Thank goodness it was a good mold. The assistant places the temporary cap on my tooth and some horrible smelling stuff to seal around the gum line and the cap.

Once again, I thank them profusely and pathetically apologize for my behavior. But I survived. The last step is getting the crown seated and I think I will be OK with that in two weeks. This is the kind of stuff that makes me crazy with fear. How do I control it? Next time I am taking two of those little white pills.

I would rather deliver twins than have to go to the dentist for anything. This is a huge step for me in building trust. Believe it or not I do like this dentist, but you will never find me not flossing or eating sugar or stickey foods. I brush my teeth like a mad woman and that will continue because I never want to have to do this again.