Monday, December 26, 2011

Not what I expected of my nephew...

I have to tell you about my sister's daughter n law. She is a piece of work. Selfish to the core. There I've said it. I don't even know where to begin this story, but here goes. I will call her DIL from now on in this story.

Candy's DIL was suppose to meet us at a designated spot for her to take Candy back to their home for Christmas. It was last Friday when we met. I took Candy with me to exercise and was going to meet said DIL at designated place. DIL didn't want to drive in big city with her kids. I understand completely. She was afraid she would get lost. Well, guess what? Candy and I got lost. Candy's DIL was so angry with me. She was angry with me for not adjusting my schedule? What? I could not believe she said that to me especially since I have been taking care of Candy since she arrived in Shreveport, La.

Candy's son promised to come to my house to pick her up, but the night before her son called me asking me to go further than agreed to meet DIL. I had to say no as I have not been feeling well. Still they kept trying to change the location on me. They did not come to Shreveport, La. to the hospital she was admitted or when the doctors did the stent on her. Instead they had to celebrate with their church friends. I couldn't believe it. That is his mother. What is wrong with him. He did call an ambulance for her in Monroe, and went to the hospital to see her. Even DIL went briefly because it was close.

What gives them the right to verbally attack me for not adjusting my schedule to theirs? Any way, we were late arriving to the said location. When I got out of the truck, I said something about being late and she started verbally attacking me. Saying that she had to be with her two kids( ages 6 and 4) and that they were fighting and unruly. I ignore her. I can't help that she lets her kids run wild and never corrects bad behaviour.

I start unpacking my sister's suitcases, I tell her we were lost and she says she doesn't care. She hates her MIL(my sister) and starts in again yelling at me about her? I'm thinking that she might hit me. I could not control my temper and I told her to shut up. I am thinking she is going to hit me. I'm telling myself that if she hits me, not to hit her back. Instead, I will call the police if she does hit me. I tell her to stop acting like a #itch. She says don't call her that in front of her kids. We were outside and I know the kids didn't hear me.

I get my sister in their van and try to apologise to her for calling her a bad name. She starts in again talking hate about my sister. I finally have had enough and say that I'm done. She is still yelling. I hug my sister and get in my truck. She almost backed out into another car. It was so scary and I start praying for her, my sister and the kids for a safe journey back to Monroe, La.

Candy's son does any and everything for DIL's family and nothing for my sister. It galls me that DIL has poisoned him with her selfish needs. One of our sons came on the day she was released on Saturday from the hospital. Where was her son? Where was the DIL? No where to be found. I could not have made it with out our son helping me. Candy was so weak. I am thankful to God that she survived her heart attack.

By Sunday, my sister was ready to leave her son's house because of all of the fighting between the two. Neither one of them took care of her. She had to cook her own supper one night. She called a friend to come and get her to take her to her home. Candy left her phone charger and her son is supposed to bring it to her. He lives less than thirty minutes from her and never goes to see her.

I am still so very angry at them both. I realize that they will never change. I wish my sister would come live with us. I know how much she loves her son and those grandkids. She never says anything against her DIL. I'm gonna have to ask the Lord to forgive me for my unkind attitude. There I've spoken my peace.


Aphra said...

Sending hugs to your and your sister xxxxxxxoooooo

Sandee said...

Families can be so...well difficult. I'm sorry that this has upset you so. I'm glad Candy went home too. She doesn't need to be in that type of environment.

Have a terrific day. Big hug. :)

Chickie said...

Oh, this pisses me off greatly!! Candy is one of the nicest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting and to think that someone (much less her son's wife!) would speak to her in such a manner is awful!

I'm glad she's out of the hospital and I hope that she comes to stay with you too.

Mimi said...

It sounds like an awful situation.
I would hate if my son(15) grew up to be like that.
You did well to keep your patience.

Finding Pam said...

Aphra, thank you for the hugs for Candy and me. Nice to hear from you.

Sandee, Candy doesn't like confrontation. Unlike me. It makes me crazy.

Chickie, your are so sweet. I will tell her what you said. Actually, DIL, spoke to me that way. Candy did not hear all of it.

We will meet tomorrow and she will come to my home. Her doctor's appointment is on Wed. Just hope she doesn't say a word to me. I am going to do my best to ignore her.

Mimi, our sons are not like him. I forgot to tell you that he is an only child. Candy seems to take that into account. I think he needs to grow up. TOmorrow will be a challenge.

DeEtta said...

Good to vent! Sending {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} and prayers for you and your sister.

Akelamalu said...

How sad for your sister, I feel for her. I am so lucky with my DILs.

Ferd said...

I'm glad you shared that. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and even more sorry for poor Candy. No wonder she had a heart attack!

No one likes being attacked. We all know angry people, and you're right, they never change. Solomon had a lot to say in Proverbs about angry people. Bottom line is to stay away from them.

Your nephew sounds like a very codependent person. He is trapped in a crazy relationship where he gives, she takes. I'm sure all he gets are smidgeons of love. But that emotional stuff is so powerful you will give up even your own mother and family. Hopefully he will see things more clearly in his forties and make the necessary corrections in his life.

Meanwhile, Candy needs the love and support of family members who are healthy enough to give it. Even with your own problems, Pam, you are that kind of godsend.

As far as the unkind words, you probably didn't say enough of them!

Peace, my friend!

Rudee said...

Not very Christian-like behavior. I'm so sorry for all of the drama. May the remainder of this holiday bring you peace and clarity.

Sarah (Nikki) said...

oh Pam...I'm sorry..really sorry for Candy. I'm glad though you were able to go be with her a bit...and offer support. Sometimes life is so unfair and hard. Hugs to you and your sister.

Finding Pam said...

Thanks for listening, DeEtta.

Akelamula, like you I have a wonderful DIL. We are very blessed.

Ferd, you were spot on. YOur perception of the cituation was the truth. Candy and I never thought of that. It sure makes sense. I appreciate your point of view. You are one smart man.

Rudee, I have Candy back with me in Texas. She will stay here for a while. I really appreciate your comment.

Just Be Real said...

Dang that infuriates me. But, glad you were able to console. Safe hugs all around.

Noelle Dunn.... A Poet in Progress said...

This is really very sad. Unfortunately, it is all too uncommon and I can't even fathom it.