OK, so here is my dilemma. I have been working at this little gift and floral shop for over a year now. When I was hired, I thought I was to instruct others to learn how to design. In my mind I knew it was only temporary, but I don't think my boss heard me.
I am grateful, but I am also tired. We were short two people on Valentines' Day. I was the only designer and worked my tail off. I can't tell you how much pressure and stress that put on me. Remember that I have arthritis. Since that holiday, my RA has been acting up. Stress makes it worse.
Six weeks ago, I was leaving work and my knee just buckled. Pain like I have never experienced. I go to the doctor and he gives me crutches, he sends me for a MRI and tells me to stay off my feet. The MRI looked pretty good for my knee. Of course the doctors wanted to operate because there is arthritis, but I decided to try another route. Chiropractic care and it is working wonderfully well for my knee. Three times a week for how long? I am not sure, but I am not in as much pain. Maybe 60% better.
So far so good, until last week. My boss and her mother are going to market in Dallas. They ask me if I can work. Being the people pleaser I am, and being a former owner of a flower shop, I know just how hard it is to keep the doors open. Therefore, I decide to work. It seems that my knee is not rehabbed and unfortunately I know it all too well.
Last week I explained to my boss' aunt and she completely understands it. She is part time and drives an hour to get to work. This is a family owned business. I am such a weenie and I will do everything I can to help them even at my own expense. I don't have to work, but I like it, so I do work.
So many other things that I want to do keeps running in my head. I really want to quit, but they don't have a designer. I need to take care of myself, my HUBS and my family. I want to do other things for a while. I want to have a slower paced life. I am burned out.
My friends and my sister all agree that I should quit because I can't handle the stress anymore. I was fine until Valentines' Day and until my knee went out. My mother died at 65 years of age and I am approaching sixty in April. I think it is time I took care of me.
I have to sound it out and give myself permission to quit work. Why am I such a weenie and why do I feel like I am letting them down?
You shouldn't believe everything you tell yourself. FEELINGS aren't FACTS.
15 comments:
There comes a time when you have to come first - this is it! Quite the job!
Sorry that should read QUIT :0
Give them a reasonable time to find someone else and then leave. Don't budge from that date. Take care of you. Okay? Okay!
Have a terrific day. Big hug. :)
We only have so much life here on this earth and if you are able to choose what you would like to do with it, then you should.
Maybe there is someone out there just waiting for a chance to be a floral designer and you will give them the opportunity by stepping back into something else.
God bless you as you make this decision.
Confrontation. Easier to say yes yes yes than to say no, I'm sorry I am unable to do this.
It is NOT your responsibility if they can or cannot find someone to help them. It is NOT your responsibility to stay until they find someone else to replace you.
It is NOT your responsibility because it is not your business. And since you have been in this business, you KNOW it is par for the course. This is what happens when you own your business. That's life.
It's NOT up to you to fix their problem.
Your right, you need to take care of you. Your family needs you. Your home needs you.
You need to really look behind the reasons why you are doing the things that are you doing. The people pleasing. Yes, but that is only part of it. Why can't you say, I am handing in my two week notice. Dig deep...find out what is going on.
The reason I say this is because until you do and get it figured out, you will move unto another circumstance/relationship and start ALL over again...
I've been there...I can honestly say though it's been the last 19 months that I am finally free from people pleasing, wanting people to like me, worried about what their opinions are of me,,and learning,, I CANNOT SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS, it is NOT up to be..I need to let go of trying to control everything for everyone...
My mother will people please everyone except her own family. Will say yes to everyone else but her own family she has no problem saying no too..
Will be praying for you..((hugs))
My whole philosophy to life is you have to make yourself happy and when you do that, all around you are happy. You have a kind heart and I understand that. I'm just like that. It's hard to say no. But there comes a time when you just have to. Enjoy your life, your family and friends. You have done your thing and it's time to move on and take care of YOU!!! Quit the job. You matter first and foremost...not some job!!!
Well ladies you have given me some solid advice. It must be nice to be normal and not an wimp like myself. Hence, the therapy!
Most of all thank you Angela for telling me like it is. I appreciate your advice very much. I am indespensable, that much I know.
Thanks for the comments. Hugs to you all.
Thom... many thanks for the thoughts. You would be proud of me because I did quit the job. I feel much better now.
I am indispensable, that much I know.
You know Pam, I just learned that about myself!!!!
With running a home daycare,being in a lot of ministries at our Church and running an msn group for 8 years, I felt I HAD to be there for everyone. I COULDN'T let them down. What would they do?
I have finally learned, they DO go one without me.
When I was planning on closing the msn group, for two years everyone kept telling me, 'we need you, we need this group, you don't know how much this is helping us'.
How could I close the group down? What kind of heartless person am I?
I struggled for TWO YEARS..wanting to close it down but feeling I HAD to be there for everyone.
Well, it was taken out of my hands, (thank YOU GOD!). Msn closed all the groups down.
Guess what? All those people that said they needed this group, that I made a difference in their life and that they wanted to keep in contact..well out of the 256 members, ONE person I am in contact with on a weekly basis. A couple I MAY hear from once or twice throughout the year.
that IS it...yepper, I AM indispensable...
If I leave, people go on....they continue going forward. They go on with their lives....
sigh....I'm glad I learned that lesson. Let me tell ya though it was A HARD one to finally learn and get it down!!!!
Love ya girl....
everyone is steering you the right way. Sit the bosses down, tell them that it is hurting your health to work this much. Give them a deadline, by which time they MUST have a designer or go without. Then you walk out the door. They are taking advantage of you, and only you can stop them....
Barefoot Gardener... Thank you as well for the good advice. I really appreciate it. :)
Angela...I would say that you know exactely what I am talking about. It is amazing how all things work out for the good. Thanks again for your confirmation to my problem. I did quit my job today and my bosses are all OK with it. They don't want me to become worse.
Big Hugs to you.
Congrats on your retirement. Hope your knee gets to feeling better!
Blessings
Oh Pam...((((((((((hugs)))))))) You go girl, you go girl..oh ya oh ya!! You DID it! You know I KNOW how hard it was...WOW...did peace wash over you after you did it? Like a light bulb moment that was ''wow, this WAS right'...
HI PAM
I so understand your dilemma. I have had to let go of working soI can manage the MS symptoms and my life. I fought against it but eventually I surrendered and I feel so much more at ease. My phrase/mantra is "I live in the freedoms not the limits".
Love you
Gail
peace.....
I have been a big people pleaser myself. What I have learned in therapy is the reason I did it is that I did not value my own self-worth. Once I reached a point where I did value my own self-worth, it was much easier for me to say "no" when I needed to.
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