Looking back to last year in review it seems that I was busy, but was I busy with things I wanted to do? January, February were uneventful with no entries on my calender. NO ENTRIES? How could that be? I did not have a new calender or else I did not make any entries.
In February, I started back to therapy for my blues that hold me hostage during the Christmas holidays. For the last two years, I have not been able to shake these feelings. I don't like that I am a Grinch. I love the holidays, but I have to tell you that this year nearly choked the life out of me.
Why? I haven't a clue? I can't really pin it down, but I think it has to do with all the hype of the season.
BTW...I am still as confused as ever with this computer. I am beginning to not like some of the prompts it leaves me.
Why can't Christmas be like Easter? Now there is a holiday I can enjoy. No gifts, no large gatherings of family, just a beautiful holiday celebrating the Resurrection. Everything seemed to be a huge effort to do. My tree was never complete. I lost the tree topper angel, the lights went out on the tree, just to name a few of the mishaps this year. I finally just walked away from that stupid tree and gave up. I told myself that next year I am not going through all of this hassle. I can't believe I said that. Hmmmm....we'll see next Christmas. I hope and pray that I have an attitude adjustment by then.
In February, we had Valentine's Day. I barely survived because I was the only designer. I was in disbelief that my little boss did not have more help. We are already talking about my schedule for V.Day. The only endeavor in my life that I always thrive is in my work. I am a die hard work my self to death florist. It is all I have ever known with the exception of running a food pantry for the needy. I don't know how to do any less than my best. I wish I had balance in my life.
Balance, that is one area of my life that I have been trying to improve in. I am an all or nothing kind of woman. It makes me insane, I know it does and yet I continue to live my life like a woman out of control. Some of my finest moments are my worst moments.
March, I injured my knee while leaving work. I stepped down the stairs funny and immediately I was filled with pain. This turned out to be worse than I thought. The doctors wanted to do surgery, I did not want another surgery so I set out on a different route. I started going to a Chiropractor. It has taken months to get better, but at least I am finally there. I still aggravate it every now and then, but at least I avoided surgery. I am immobilised by this injury. I am home bound for three weeks. I have to tell you this is really depressing. Pain and immobility are not my best companions. This is the first time ever that I feel like my body has let me down and I am really worried if this will be permanent. My ramblings enable me. I start to believe that self talk. I am my worst enemy.
By April, I am walking with a cane. Off the crutches and hobbling along. I am still feeling down and out. Come May, I am better. I am looking forward to Spring and getting my patio plants in order. As you can see, my calender is full. I took off from work because I could not stand and design full time. I was ready for a break from work, but I also missed it immensely.
Then the Summer from Hades arrived. This killer humidity and heat. It sucked the life out of me. I am frazzled from it. Hubs grew an incredible garden full of luscious vegetables. Me. I stayed inside. I shelled lots of peas and the meals were really good. I was a recluse in hiding from this over bearing heat. So there went the Summer. Argh! I hate this heat. I know I am melodramatic! What can I say? See why I need therapy?
By now I am ready to move to the North Pole forever because of this stinking heat. I hate it.
Wait...I feel a little cooler weather? No, it is just Fall. No cooling yet. Our weather bounces around from the one hundreds to the sixties. That can sure make me a grumpy woman. Argh! I don't want to be this way, but I am so hot that I dream of loads of snow and cooler weather. This has been the hottest summer ever. Where is Fall?
Alright it is still warm, but not scorching hot like the summer. I have to prepare for Thanksgiving. My boss ask me to come back to work. I am glad, but reluctant. Back to work I go. I don't want to relive the holidays. You know they were bad.
Need I say more?
I found out that I am diabetic. That is not good news. I am so overwhelmed with all of these emotions. I am in denial for a while about it. I am angry with myself. I am not a very happy person. I guess you all know the rest of the story.
In the bad news dept. Carmen our beloved Dobie was diagnosed with breast cancer. That is the worst thing about the whole year. I want to thank you all for the love and support and prayers you have shown Carmen and our family.
On a good note, I did loose 16 pounds. It was a huge struggle. I have thousands of pounds to go or at least it feels like that. This year, I want to continue to get healthy. Be happy once again. Enjoy my life and not feel any guilt for not doing what others want me to do. I think to much. Why don't I just beat my head against the brick wall?
This is Baby, a little orphan cat that we adopted the week before Christmas. Yes, I know...I don't need another critter, but honestly...could you say NO? Of course she has incredible luck in her young life. She was found by my sister's friend. She was clinging to life in a shrub. She did not have her eyes open and the friend took her in and fed her by a dropper. She can't have any more animals because she is in an aptartment and besides the lady has a dog. This little baby has brought lots of laughter to us.
The newer kinder me is scary. The old me was not very tolerant of others. I was impatient and very opinionated, but I had a sense of humor. Or so I thought. I am at odds with the new me. I have learned to stop, think and listen before I speak. I usually just react. Now I am learning a new way to communicate with those I love. I am trying to be aware of others feelings instead of being a bull in a china cabinet. Oh, Lord help me. Nobody said it would be easy, but little did I know it would be such a challenge, too.
In closing, I am wishing all of you a Happy New year full of possibilties. Full of hope, full of life and full of love. I happily say good by to 2010 and welcome the new year 2011.