Saturday, August 16, 2008

Hard Times...

I don't know what is happening to all my friends, but there seems to be an increase in TROUBLE for them. So I count my blessings and keep them in my prayers. Though I am not sure of why everyone is having so much trouble, it just seems epidemic right now, and I am ready for this to get better now. Trouble with family, money, booze, kids, church, parents, pretty much just life in general.

As for me, I am having trouble staying on task; well, just pretty much have the "don'ts"... don't want to do anything, much less care about even doing anything. I not sure where this has come from, but I don't know how to get myself up and going. That's why I am journaling; maybe, I am stuck in a time warp. So, what warpt time of my life is annoying me? That is a question I do not like to ask myself...

But here goes... does it goes back to my childhood? Uhhhuh? Yes? I am so sick to death of this stuff that keeps surfacing, I keep trying to stuff it down with food BC I do not want to feel, just want to forget, move forward, but it is always there like an albatross around my neck pulling me down.

Maybe, I should just freakin wear a garlic rope necklace around my neck to keep these memories from me. To keep me safe...perhaps? Am I my own worst enemey? Yes, but why? I wonder if I will ever get to a place of peace in my mind? Most days, I am able to detach and file this in a deep dark place, but then out of no where, it hits me right out of the blue...Kabammmm! This funk gets me and pulls me down into a black abyss. I need a super Hero...now

I know some of you may ask if I have had treatment? Yes, and I have been working on this for a very long time. Some may think I need God in my life and yes, I do have God in my life. I am not intentionally hanging on to this garbage, at least I don't think so? All I can do is just wait for this emotion to pass and pray that I get back on track. I know that I am smarter than that...