Thursday, July 9, 2009

Only a Southerner...



Southern women know their summer weather report:


Humidity


Humidity


Humidity




Southern women know their vacation spots:


The beach


The rivuh


The crick




Southern women know everybody's first name:


Honey


Darlin


'Shugah




Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:


Fried Green Tomatoes


Driving Miss Daisy


Steel Magnolias


Gone With The Wind




Southern women know their religions:


Baptist


Methodist


Football




Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:


Chawl'stn


S'vanah


Foat Wuth


N'awlins


Addlanna




Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:


Men in uniform


Men in tuxedos


Rhett Butler




Southern girls know their prime real estate:


The Mall


The Country club


The Beauty Salon




Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:


Having bad hair and nails


Having bad manners


Cooking bad food


More Suthen-ism's:


Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____


Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
_____


Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
_____


Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
_____


All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____


Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
_____


Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right here" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20
_____


Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between


a redneck,


a good ol' boy,


and Po white trash.
_____


No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____


A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
_____


Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... And when we're "in line,"... We talk to everybody!
_____
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
_____


In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
_____


Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____




When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____




Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____




And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... And go your own way.
_____




To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
_____




And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... Bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!_____

15 comments:

Nessa said...

I love grits and I love banana pudding.

Very funny 'cus they are all true.

Sandee said...

Bless your heart for posting this. My mother and father were from the south so I was raised hearing lots of this.

Have a terrific day Pam. :)

Finding Pam said...

Nessa, it is all too true!A lot of folks don't eat grits.
LOL!

Sandee, I find myself never meeting a stranger. Once in Colorado while visiting my son, I struck up a conversation with the cashier. He ask me if I was going to invite her to their home. Ha Ha.

I forget that people aren't like that everywhere. I just like people.

Rambling Woods said...

I enjoyed this especially..I wonder what something similar would read like for a northerner like me...

Finding Pam said...

Michelle, I am sure things would be similar, but probably different foods for your region. Things your grand parents taught you would be interesting to note.

I would like to see a list for Northerners. Hmmm... Who might write this? Please Michelle?

Hope all is well with you. Hugs and blessings, Pam

DeEtta said...

I loved reading this post. My favorite southern phrase is "bless your heart". There is something about it that makes you feel special.

Akelamalu said...

I've just been educated in Southern ways! :)

Strawberry Girl said...

I love it!! I think my grandma was secretly a southerner because she said "bless your heart" all the time. I loved her for it, and I love you Southerners as well (all y'all) ;D

Thom said...

What an excellent learning post on the south. I loved it. I so love grits :) Banana pudding I can do without however :) Aloha

Dawn (Twisted Sister) said...

These were great Pam!

My favorite:
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

No true Newfie would either!

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I LOVE THIS! I am not a Southerner but know many and this made me wish I was one! I'm going to send it to my friend in S'vanna directly!

Sherry said...

Yes, that's the South! I wasn't born here, but have been fortunate to live in two of those five cities listed (Charleston & Savannah).

It would be interesting to see a "Northern List".

Cherie/ Butterfly Dreamer said...

Well Bless your heart ! Loved it girl..

Dr.John said...

Thanks for the language lesson.

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