Only a Southerner...

Southern women know their summer weather report:

Humidity

Humidity

Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:

The beach

The rivuh

The crick

Southern women know everybody's first name:

Honey

Darlin

'Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Driving Miss Daisy

Steel Magnolias

Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

Baptist

Methodist

Football

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

Chawl'stn

S'vanah

Foat Wuth

N'awlins

Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform

Men in tuxedos

Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall

The Country club

The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails

Having bad manners

Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

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Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right here" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20

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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between

a redneck,

a good ol' boy,

and Po white trash.

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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... And when we're "in line,"... We talk to everybody!

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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

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In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... And go your own way.

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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... Bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!_____