Friday, June 1, 2012

My sister, Candy

What do you do when someone always disappoints you?  My sister has been given so many chances in her life to start over.  She seems to have nine lives like a cat and right now she has used up about six of those lives.  My latest sadness is that she started smoking again.  I know how hard it is to stop as I once was a smoker, but I did quit on my own.  She know how bad it is for her health.  She had two heart attacks last December and on New year's day of this year.  I just don't get it.  There is nothing I want more for her than to be well.  I can't want it for her.  I know she has to desire it for herself. 

How many times can I keep helping her?  You have no idea how much we have helped her.  Honestly, it is hard to keep helping her when she doesn't respond to the help.  I hate to say it but I don't think she will ever get better, and that makes me very sad.  I kind of feel used up.  I know a lot of it has to do with her bi-polar illness.  I am praying that her current meds help her.  So far not so good.

Two weeks ago, we went to the hospital for her appointment with her Psychiatrist.  Candy has already missed an appointment previously.  She left her paper work at her house.  She was sure it was on the seventeenth.  It was instead on the previous day. The doctor could not work her in and the receptionist told her to go to the ER to get her medicine refilled. This was not a good decision.  The ER doctor told her if she wanted her medicine for her bi-polar that she would have to admit to the psyche ward for 72 hours.  She was admitted to the third floor first and later moved to the tenth floor.  The new medicine kept her from sleeping for the whole month, so she was pretty confused. No wonder, they thought she needed to be admitted.  I could not find where she was in the hospital for twenty-four hours.  When I left the hospital that night she was still in the ER. Of course they take her cell phone and wallet. She is not doing well. I can only talk with her on the patient phone.  Too many people for one phone.  No one knows her, one man hung up on me, another kept asking me who I was calling for, but then he never went to get her to the phone.  I called about twenty times that day.  All I would get was a busy signal or some strange patient.  You can see why I'm frustrated.

By the time the fourth night came, Candy was feeling very sick. She thought she was having another heart attack.  The nurses won't do anything but take her blood pressure.  They think she is making this up?  I won't go into the atrocious behavior of the tenth floor, but I will say this.  They could not find her heart rate or blood pressure.  Several people tried until they called in a crash team from the medical ICU.  Once again, she was moved to another floor.  She was passing blood and they started giving her blood.  She  received three units.  They still don't know what is wrong with her.  I find out what floor she is on and go to see her.  By the time I get there, she is moved again to another floor for an endoscopy.  I waited in the waiting room for procedures, but no one ever comes out to tell me what is wrong with her. 

It is not until the next day that she sees a doctor.  I guess life saving is more important than communication with the family.  Honestly, no one would commit to saying anything about her. It is a great teaching hospital, but this was one very bad stay for her.  Turns out she has multiple ulcers from taking Alieve and aspirin for her pain.  Sister was released a week later from the hospital.  She spent a week with me and left today to go back to her home.

Many of you know that our mother had a mental illness.  She was never diagnosed, but I am pretty sure she was bi-polar.  So much of my childhood involved many trips to the ER and to the tenth floor.  Moma spent time in several mental hospitals over the years.  All of this with my sister has really brought back some horrible memories.  Please forgive me, but I can't talk about this any more.  So I will close for now.  Just continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers.


Sandee said...

You can't help those that won't help themselves. It's sad, but it's so very true. I know you'll continue to help her.

Have a blessed day and weekend. Big hugs. :)

Akelamalu said...

It's virtually impossible to help someone who doesn't want to help themself. I feel for you. xx

Rudee said...

As already stated above me, you can't help her if she doesn't want to help herself. If she smokes, she smokes. If she doesn't follow instructions, well, she's free to make her own decisions, even if they're bad ones.

It can't be an easy spot to be in, but there you are anyways. You may find counseling for yourself in respect to your sister to be of benefit.


Finding Pam said...

Sandee, I feel caught, but I know I will always try to help her. Big hugs back to you.

Akelamalu, I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening.

Rudee, definately a hard spot to be. I don't understand her decisions, but then, I am not bi-polar. Rudee, I've been in couseling for two years. The main topic is my sister. I don't know how to let her be, though, I'm still working on it.

Nicholas Temple said...

I wonder what payoff Candy gets for her behaviors.

Finding Pam said...

Nick, my thoughts exactly. It is obvious that she does not want to live or else she would take care of herself. I talked with her tonight. She had a BK double stacker. She can't keep eating like this.

Nice to hear from you S.S.N.

Just Be Real said...

Pam I am sorry for your continued struggle with your sister.

Thank you for your kind words of recent about my bird.


DeEtta said...

Pam, I haven't been visiting blogs lately so was sorry to notice your post about your Sister. Just continue loving and praying for her, that's all you can do at this point. I have been there and done that with my dad. Finally our prayers were answered and he was forced to get better through having a stroke. Sounds strange to say that but we had 5 wonderful years with him before he died.

Sarah (Nikki) said...

I'm so sorry Pam...that you have to go through this with your sister. Mental illness is an illness....something that isn't the person's fault. I think that's the hardest thing to accept when it seems like they could do something to help themself. It's one of the hardest diseases on the family....Stay strong okay.....