When I feel good, everything goes great; however, when I am sick, well things just fall apart. Does anyone know why this happens and does this happen to you? Most times I can suck it up and being sick doesn't bother me. The last week I have had what I thought was a horrible allergy thing in my head. You know the sneezing, stuffy nose, watery eyes and general achy feeling. It is becoming a head cold now.
Not being one to rush off to the doctor, I wait and wait to see if I can heal on my own. I usually give myself three days to get sick, three days to have it and three days to get over it. It has always worked for me in the past. So, I should start feeling better by Saturday. I hope so anyway.
Everything just sorta falls apart when I am not feeling my best. I don't feel like eating because nothing taste good, so I eat the wrong foods. House work falls to the way side, washing clothes, and any and all cleaning. Everything comes to a screeching halt. Why is it that getting older has to be so hard sometimes. Nothing heals as as fast as it used to.
I worked sick on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It is homecoming time in east Texas. It is funny that I can work sick, but not exercise sick. I finally took Monday off from work. Missed two days of exercise. My brain is in a fog and I can barely think straight. Add to that not sleeping and you get a cranky sick woman. Argh!
I went back to exercise yesterday, I will be off work till next Tuesday and I have exercise again tomorrow. Why does it hurt so much when you start back to exercise? Did I give myself enough time to be sick? I think so. I hope so. I cooked an eye of round roast last night with rice and green beans. That was the best meal in a while that I have cooked. My appetite is a little better though I can't taste or smell anything.
For me, nothing is worse than being just a little sick. Just sick enough to feel yucky, but not sick enough to go to bed. And why is it that after I have been sick, I feel all hot and sweaty even after just standing and working? I can't stand that feeling. Do any of you get like that after being sick?
I hope none of you are suffering with allergies or a cold. I'm upping my doses of vitamin C and taking my vitamins. I'll talk with you later.
You shouldn't believe everything you tell yourself. FEELINGS aren't FACTS.
Showing posts with label Working on ME. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Working on ME. Show all posts
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
I'm still here
Hey friends...I'm still here. I have been working at the flower shop for the last three and a half weeks. They had an emergency of sorts. We have all pitched in to cover the absence of my young boss. She has been managing the shop for four years now. She is just 22 years old. Remember that old expression "All work and no play" ? She has burned out her candle. If you don't mind, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
And what about this HEAT? I'm so ready for some cooler weather. Everything has burned up. My darling, HUBS, is watering the tree saplings. He is the one with the green thumb. He said he might not make a garden next year because of the expense of water. I'm sure going to miss fresh vegetables.
I've been researching my side of the family. It has been interesting to find out more information about them. No one ever does research on the woman's side of the family. HUBS' family circle is ever so complete with roots far and deep. Since my father was adopted, I am not able to get any information. On my mother's side of the family, they were from Scotland and were shoe makers and dress makers. I've found some that served in the Civil War. No one famous yet. They say we are all related to the same seven people. Have any of you researched your family history?
I'm still exercising. I've been on a plateau for a while. Even though it's a struggle, I am just doing it. I know in time I will loose more weight again. I'm not going to worry about it for now. I've learned a lot of new things in therapy. Other than not sleeping, I would say things are pretty good right now.
I am so sick of hearing about the debt crisis. Remember about ten years ago, they said we should all pay off our debt. It looks like a lot of us took this advice. So why can't our government do the same thing. I try to steer clear of any political statements on my blog, but folks this is out of hand. I am so sick of big government and over-spending. And who are the ones that are affected the most? The old, the disabled, the children. OK. That was my rant. Enough said.
I hope to be blogging more in the fall. Everybody take care.
And what about this HEAT? I'm so ready for some cooler weather. Everything has burned up. My darling, HUBS, is watering the tree saplings. He is the one with the green thumb. He said he might not make a garden next year because of the expense of water. I'm sure going to miss fresh vegetables.
I've been researching my side of the family. It has been interesting to find out more information about them. No one ever does research on the woman's side of the family. HUBS' family circle is ever so complete with roots far and deep. Since my father was adopted, I am not able to get any information. On my mother's side of the family, they were from Scotland and were shoe makers and dress makers. I've found some that served in the Civil War. No one famous yet. They say we are all related to the same seven people. Have any of you researched your family history?
I'm still exercising. I've been on a plateau for a while. Even though it's a struggle, I am just doing it. I know in time I will loose more weight again. I'm not going to worry about it for now. I've learned a lot of new things in therapy. Other than not sleeping, I would say things are pretty good right now.
I am so sick of hearing about the debt crisis. Remember about ten years ago, they said we should all pay off our debt. It looks like a lot of us took this advice. So why can't our government do the same thing. I try to steer clear of any political statements on my blog, but folks this is out of hand. I am so sick of big government and over-spending. And who are the ones that are affected the most? The old, the disabled, the children. OK. That was my rant. Enough said.
I hope to be blogging more in the fall. Everybody take care.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
On Being Me...
How do you forgive the brokenness of one's life? I'm relieving some difficult childhood memories right now. While I know God forgives me, why then do I not forgive myself? Part of me says "Let it go and another part of me says no one could forgive you. You are worthless." Old memories create a less than perfect self image. I carry on forward.
Self-hate is what I learned as a child. I'm not equipped to handle complements or any thing of that nature. It is reflective in my addiction for food. This last month I have gained weight at the thought of loosing my favorite addiction...food. I am looking for something to replace it with, but I've not found anything that comes close to satisfying my emotional needs that I get from food.
Food makes me feel safe, loved, full. Damn it. My head knows all of this, but it is hard to say good-bye to an old way of satiation. I am afraid to be thin. I know it's sick and I am working on a good solution to the problem. Right now...I am stopped by my own fear. I've hit a wall of sorts.
Through therapy,I remember the exact moment that I learned how to use food to block what I saw and heard as a kid. It is a moment I will never forget. From that moment, I replaced all the evil and mean that I saw in my life with my soul saving comfort food. I was blinded to everything else around me. Relieved to be (in my mind) taken away from the pain by food. You see some things a little girl should not have to witness .
I can't change any of that now. I'm trying to overcome these memories, accept them and use the tools I am learning in therapy to let go and start living my life. I never knew anything could be so hard. How long must I keep these secrets of the dead? And do I have to reveal these secrets in order to be healthy?
Self-hate is what I learned as a child. I'm not equipped to handle complements or any thing of that nature. It is reflective in my addiction for food. This last month I have gained weight at the thought of loosing my favorite addiction...food. I am looking for something to replace it with, but I've not found anything that comes close to satisfying my emotional needs that I get from food.
Food makes me feel safe, loved, full. Damn it. My head knows all of this, but it is hard to say good-bye to an old way of satiation. I am afraid to be thin. I know it's sick and I am working on a good solution to the problem. Right now...I am stopped by my own fear. I've hit a wall of sorts.
Through therapy,I remember the exact moment that I learned how to use food to block what I saw and heard as a kid. It is a moment I will never forget. From that moment, I replaced all the evil and mean that I saw in my life with my soul saving comfort food. I was blinded to everything else around me. Relieved to be (in my mind) taken away from the pain by food. You see some things a little girl should not have to witness .
I can't change any of that now. I'm trying to overcome these memories, accept them and use the tools I am learning in therapy to let go and start living my life. I never knew anything could be so hard. How long must I keep these secrets of the dead? And do I have to reveal these secrets in order to be healthy?
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Good results
I am enjoying myself this summer. During the week I stay busy on the road going to exercise three times a week. Since we live so remotely in the country, I also do my shopping on those days to avoid any more trips than necessary.
You can do a lot of thinking on the road. It takes me about forty minuets to get to my trainer in another town and another state away, but it is good for me to have this time to reflect on where I have been and where I am going.
There is good news. So far I am down about 31 pounds and getting stronger and more fit every day. This has been one of the best gifts I have ever given myself. I am so worth it. It took me a long time to realize that I had any value to myself much less to anyone else. After a year and three months of weekly therapy, I must say that I have met new goals and challenges that I never thought possible. I am starting to like what I see.
The best news of all is that my blood work has really reflected my hard work to get healthy. Cholesterol is down to 123 and my triglycerides are down to 190. My hemoglobin A1C is down as well. With the help of medicine, therapy and exercise I can see hope in my future.
I am eating healthier, cooking from scratch and reaping the rewards of it all. I am learning not to beat myself up when I slip or make a bad choice for a meal. My dietitian has helped me realize that I am only human. We all make mistakes. It's that all or nothing attitude that gets me into trouble. I've been working a while on that one.
Summer food and fruits are amazing. The cantaloupe is the best I have had in a long time. Fresh Cherries and fruit salads. Fresh veggies from the garden are a delightful treat. The heat has all but killed most of Hubs garden, he still gets peas, tomatoes and cucumbers. I made an old favorite of mine the other day. It's a seven layered salad. Lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, broccoli,mandarin oranges, strawberries, English peas, olives, then top it off with a layer of turkey meat and go light on the mayonnaise as the final layer. Garnish with cherry tomatoes and olives and bacon bits.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
An apple a day doesn't keep the doctor away
I am having some trouble with my feet and hands right now. The pain is hurting me, and I have the don'ts. I want to sleep at this moment. I am very tired. Last week was the second week of training three times per week. I am exhausted. I was on the road all week long. So much for my blog vacation. It has been eleven days since my last post. I guess I will just blog when I feel like it.
I had to fast for some blood work for my doctor. Then go to exercise. I called my trainer and she said to get a protein shake and to meet me at the gym in thirty minutes. I downed the shake and felt a little better. After training, I felt tired, sleepy and week. I made it to the store, stopped to get gas and then home to sleep. That was on Friday and today is Sunday. I am not feeling any better. I did not go to church because I had to wash my hair and had nothing to wear. While I realize the part about nothing to wear is my responsibility, I should have washed my clothes and washed my hair. I just don't have the energy to do it.
Saturday, I ate everything in sight including raisin bread and cookies. Yes, I know that is not good for me. I don't know why the melt down at this moment caused this set back. Of course I have gained three pounds and I am disgusted with myself. The cycle continues.
I had decided to take a blog vacation for a while. I don't have much to say that I really want to write here. I am reading some blogs, but not many. It seems the better I get the less I want to blog. I do miss that connection with people though.
I spent three hours in the dentist chair on Thursday. I went to a new dentist because my current dentist scares me to death. New dentist is very through, hence the three hours. I have never had a dentist check my blood pressure before. It was high because of my fear of dentist. This was my last big hurdle to overcome. I talked about it in therapy. A dentist tortured me as a child. He pulled a permanent tooth twice and scared me to death. All of the years I have been going to a dentist, my former scary dentist found out that I still have that extra tooth. I am somewhat of an anomaly. Evidently not many people have seen this before. All had to come and see it. They didn't even know how to chart it. Much discussion was made about how to chart my extra tooth. I didn't even know what to think of this. All I know is that I was hungry and thirsty and had dry mouth. I kept telling them if they want me to stay in this chair then their best bet would be to work fast on me. No such luck. A small camera on a wand took more photos of my teeth. Thirty to be exact. Then the dentist came in and took more pictures. Technology at its finest.
They do a lot of talking and repeat that talking to the doctor. The hygienist spent a long time with me taking gobs of xrays of my mouth. A full round xray, then individual xrays of my teeth. Next was some probing of my gums and measuring pockets, then more probing to measure gum loss and a lot of other things that I have never had done. I have never had my mouth checked out for cancer. I had seen this on Dr.Oz the day before. What a shock to finally have a dentist check my mouth. Next week I return for a cleaning and the consult with the doctor and his recommendations. Of course he wants to do a lot of crowns because I have some cracked teeth and fillings. I am not sure if I can work up the courage to do all he wants to do. I hate the pain dentist cause me.
Well that is about it for now. I am going to make myself get busy and do some things around the house and take a shower. I am feeling discouraged right now. I think the dentist visit is what set me off with the eating. It is how I manage stress. I didn't do so well this time. I am not sure what has caused all of the pain. For now I will take note of it and discuss it with my RA doctor at my next appointment.
I had to fast for some blood work for my doctor. Then go to exercise. I called my trainer and she said to get a protein shake and to meet me at the gym in thirty minutes. I downed the shake and felt a little better. After training, I felt tired, sleepy and week. I made it to the store, stopped to get gas and then home to sleep. That was on Friday and today is Sunday. I am not feeling any better. I did not go to church because I had to wash my hair and had nothing to wear. While I realize the part about nothing to wear is my responsibility, I should have washed my clothes and washed my hair. I just don't have the energy to do it.
Saturday, I ate everything in sight including raisin bread and cookies. Yes, I know that is not good for me. I don't know why the melt down at this moment caused this set back. Of course I have gained three pounds and I am disgusted with myself. The cycle continues.
I had decided to take a blog vacation for a while. I don't have much to say that I really want to write here. I am reading some blogs, but not many. It seems the better I get the less I want to blog. I do miss that connection with people though.
I spent three hours in the dentist chair on Thursday. I went to a new dentist because my current dentist scares me to death. New dentist is very through, hence the three hours. I have never had a dentist check my blood pressure before. It was high because of my fear of dentist. This was my last big hurdle to overcome. I talked about it in therapy. A dentist tortured me as a child. He pulled a permanent tooth twice and scared me to death. All of the years I have been going to a dentist, my former scary dentist found out that I still have that extra tooth. I am somewhat of an anomaly. Evidently not many people have seen this before. All had to come and see it. They didn't even know how to chart it. Much discussion was made about how to chart my extra tooth. I didn't even know what to think of this. All I know is that I was hungry and thirsty and had dry mouth. I kept telling them if they want me to stay in this chair then their best bet would be to work fast on me. No such luck. A small camera on a wand took more photos of my teeth. Thirty to be exact. Then the dentist came in and took more pictures. Technology at its finest.
They do a lot of talking and repeat that talking to the doctor. The hygienist spent a long time with me taking gobs of xrays of my mouth. A full round xray, then individual xrays of my teeth. Next was some probing of my gums and measuring pockets, then more probing to measure gum loss and a lot of other things that I have never had done. I have never had my mouth checked out for cancer. I had seen this on Dr.Oz the day before. What a shock to finally have a dentist check my mouth. Next week I return for a cleaning and the consult with the doctor and his recommendations. Of course he wants to do a lot of crowns because I have some cracked teeth and fillings. I am not sure if I can work up the courage to do all he wants to do. I hate the pain dentist cause me.
Well that is about it for now. I am going to make myself get busy and do some things around the house and take a shower. I am feeling discouraged right now. I think the dentist visit is what set me off with the eating. It is how I manage stress. I didn't do so well this time. I am not sure what has caused all of the pain. For now I will take note of it and discuss it with my RA doctor at my next appointment.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Vacation time
Alright folks...I am taking a blog vacation. No, nothing is wrong, just need a break and need to not feel guilty about it or have you wondering why I'm not posting. I hope I don't loose any of my readers. I will be back sometime this summer or maybe later. I am just not sure about when I will return. I hope you enjoy your summer.
I have started working out with my trainer three days a week and I spend a lot of time on the road getting to the gym. This is too important to me right now to not fully commit myself to my whole body,mind and spirit.
I will try to read your blogs when time permits. I am sure going to miss y'all.
Thanks for understanding and letting me enjoy my summer. In the mean time, I am going to eat lots of summer vegetables from Hubs' garden and go see my kids in Alabama.
Hugs to you all.
I have started working out with my trainer three days a week and I spend a lot of time on the road getting to the gym. This is too important to me right now to not fully commit myself to my whole body,mind and spirit.
I will try to read your blogs when time permits. I am sure going to miss y'all.
Thanks for understanding and letting me enjoy my summer. In the mean time, I am going to eat lots of summer vegetables from Hubs' garden and go see my kids in Alabama.
Hugs to you all.
Friday, May 13, 2011
I am havin a heat wave
I started a post and went to save it and it is lost. I don't know what is going on with Blogger today. Today the weather is picture perfect with tolerable highs, clear and sunny. Last week was unbearable with highs in the low nineties and horrible humidity. Those kind of days suck the life out of me.
Remember how much trouble I was having with Cymbalta? I talked with my pharmacist, Mr. Killion, about the medicine. He said it is a vaso-dialator and that it would make me hot. There was some discrepancy about the dosage and he called my RA doctor to get it straight. I told her what the doctor had said about the medicine. Take one 30 mg. for a week then take two or 60mg. after that. Then the nurse from the RA doctor called me. I didn't think much of any of this until later in the day.
I went back and check my note the doctor gave me. It was correct. I went off the medicine and the side effects went away. Dumb as it sounds, I went back on the medicine last week only to have an episode at exercise where I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. I was on fire and my face was beet red. It took me hours to cool off and recover.
I was prepared for exercise the next time. I froze a wash cloth and took some ice in a baggy to keep myself cool. That helped a lot, but I have to tell you the ice in my bra really did the trick. Frozen wash rag on the back of my neck. My trainer gave me more breaks and let me catch my breath.
I found out that the script was correct, but I did not read the directions on the medicine. Folks, I am so stupid. The medicine was for 6o mg. and I had doubled it taking 120mg. The RA doc was suppose to give me samples of the meds in 30 mg., but he didn't. I just assumed that the medicine was written for 30 mg. and preceded according to instructions. I have never done anything so stupid. No wonder I was hot as all get out. No wonder I was not sleeping. I usually read my scripts, but the one time I didn't almost made me loose it. Of course I called the doctor's office earlier. That is how I found out about the samples. The nurse said to take one today, which I did and I am fine.
So now the ugly truth is out about how stupid I am. I don't have a clue why I did this. Maybe all the pain made me loose it or maybe the stomach ache or maybe days without sleep made me not so alert. I hope none of you ever do anything like this. I just hope my poor liver is OK.
That is it for how stupid can you get today. Y'all have a great weekend. I know I am going to enjoy the last few days of this cold front before it passes.
Remember how much trouble I was having with Cymbalta? I talked with my pharmacist, Mr. Killion, about the medicine. He said it is a vaso-dialator and that it would make me hot. There was some discrepancy about the dosage and he called my RA doctor to get it straight. I told her what the doctor had said about the medicine. Take one 30 mg. for a week then take two or 60mg. after that. Then the nurse from the RA doctor called me. I didn't think much of any of this until later in the day.
I went back and check my note the doctor gave me. It was correct. I went off the medicine and the side effects went away. Dumb as it sounds, I went back on the medicine last week only to have an episode at exercise where I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. I was on fire and my face was beet red. It took me hours to cool off and recover.
I was prepared for exercise the next time. I froze a wash cloth and took some ice in a baggy to keep myself cool. That helped a lot, but I have to tell you the ice in my bra really did the trick. Frozen wash rag on the back of my neck. My trainer gave me more breaks and let me catch my breath.
I found out that the script was correct, but I did not read the directions on the medicine. Folks, I am so stupid. The medicine was for 6o mg. and I had doubled it taking 120mg. The RA doc was suppose to give me samples of the meds in 30 mg., but he didn't. I just assumed that the medicine was written for 30 mg. and preceded according to instructions. I have never done anything so stupid. No wonder I was hot as all get out. No wonder I was not sleeping. I usually read my scripts, but the one time I didn't almost made me loose it. Of course I called the doctor's office earlier. That is how I found out about the samples. The nurse said to take one today, which I did and I am fine.
So now the ugly truth is out about how stupid I am. I don't have a clue why I did this. Maybe all the pain made me loose it or maybe the stomach ache or maybe days without sleep made me not so alert. I hope none of you ever do anything like this. I just hope my poor liver is OK.
That is it for how stupid can you get today. Y'all have a great weekend. I know I am going to enjoy the last few days of this cold front before it passes.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
RA
If you remember when I went for my initial exam with my new RA doctor, he did not believe I had RA. He confirmed that I had Fibromyalgia. He put me on Neurotin for the pain. It did not help any and some how my pain was worse. Once again I had an upset stomach and felt awful. I went back to the doctor a month later for a check up only to hear the blood test results. The test results was reactive for RA. It has set me back a little to know I have it. He made a change in my medicine and put me on Cymbalta(the generic)for my pain.
Since starting this new medication, I am once again not been sleeping, my stomach is killing me, my feet are like ice and I sweat profusely. It does alleviate my pain, but I am wondering if the side effects will go away in time, or if they don't is it worth it to feel so bad. I am cranky from the lack of sleep. But I keep on doing all that I can to go forward.
I am not going to let any of this define me. I am trying to live as normal a life as I can, or should I say as I feel like it. There are days where I am no good to anyone. I am going to exercise and it helps me so much. Nothing taste good and I am nauseous. I am trying to embrace it. Thinking I may loose some weight. I keep telling myself that I will do anything to loose weight and to be pain free. I have lost weight and it is a good start to inspire me to go further.
My spirit is a little low and I do not feel well. Nor did I want to share this with you all. I sincerely appreciate all of your well wishes and support. Some times I feel bad for not having anything good to write about. Therefor I don't write. Sometimes I can't put a thought together and nothing makes much sense to me.
I am through with my complaining. Thank you for listening. I will keep you posted on my progress. Love you all.
Since starting this new medication, I am once again not been sleeping, my stomach is killing me, my feet are like ice and I sweat profusely. It does alleviate my pain, but I am wondering if the side effects will go away in time, or if they don't is it worth it to feel so bad. I am cranky from the lack of sleep. But I keep on doing all that I can to go forward.
I am not going to let any of this define me. I am trying to live as normal a life as I can, or should I say as I feel like it. There are days where I am no good to anyone. I am going to exercise and it helps me so much. Nothing taste good and I am nauseous. I am trying to embrace it. Thinking I may loose some weight. I keep telling myself that I will do anything to loose weight and to be pain free. I have lost weight and it is a good start to inspire me to go further.
My spirit is a little low and I do not feel well. Nor did I want to share this with you all. I sincerely appreciate all of your well wishes and support. Some times I feel bad for not having anything good to write about. Therefor I don't write. Sometimes I can't put a thought together and nothing makes much sense to me.
I am through with my complaining. Thank you for listening. I will keep you posted on my progress. Love you all.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I'm still here
I've been a little under the weather. Still sick from medicines. I will be back when I feel better. I didnt want to to write about this.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Big hugs and lots of love.
Pam
I hope everyone is doing well.
Big hugs and lots of love.
Pam
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
An aha moment
Today I made a huge break through in my therapy. It made me cry. Not much makes me cry, but today was the first time I cried in front of my therapist. What would make me cry?
It starts with my half sister, Sharon. Recently, she and I have reconnected. I really value her friendship. I want to protect that friendship as well. As a child, I did not get to have a loving family. There was no trust and I could never depend on my family. This is a basic need that every child should experience. I can not relate to having a father around. I don't even understand that sort of relationship. I see women who adore their dads and I am clueless as to what that must feel like. The life I knew was not like most families. I would not even know what a normal family was like. As far as I knew, our life was normal. That is really a joke when I think about it.
I didn't realize what I missed out on as a child. Yes, I knew things were different. Life was hard. Getting to know Sharon has been such a blessing. She is so kind and sweet to me. She doesn't have to be, but she is. I love her for that. I know she loves me, too. I want to protect that relationship. To safe guard it. It is precious to me. The thought of ever hurting her makes me sad.
Candy, my sister, remembers so much more about our life before our parents divorced. I have blocked out a lot of the pain. I guess it is a way to protect myself from the memories and from the ugly truth. What am I afraid of? I am afraid that my sister will tell her bad things about our dad to our half sister. I can't believe I would even suggest that she would do that, but I am afraid that she would. Sharon, our half sister feels great sorrow for what we went through. I can tell it bothers her. She is very compassionate.
We are more alike than my sister, Candy and I are. While Sharon says that Kenny, one of her brothers, is probably like Candy. They are both quite and retrospective while Sharon and I are eternal optimists and happy people. Sharon is very generous in spirit. She tells me that I am like our father. I like knowing that she can see some of the good traits in me that our father had.
What made my cry was the thought of Sharon ever being hurt. I don't want her to know anything bad about our father. She had him all of her life. It is bittersweet. She ask me did I ever wonder if momma and daddy had never divorced what our lives might have been like? Then she said she would not have been born if my parents had not divorced. It is bittersweet. I am thankful that she had a good childhood with two parents that loved her dearly. Something I will never understand what that feels like. It makes me really sad to have missed out on having a family.
Have you ever seen an orphaned kitty or puppy? The little kitten or puppy missed out on being fully loved, socialized and connected. I see that with this little kitten that we adopted. Her momma was trying to move the three little kittens as cats often do before their eyes are opened. My kitten was found in the shrubs and the other two kittens died. Her eyes were not even opened. A woman found this little kitten, she bottle fed it, loved it, but it was not the same as having her real momma. I see Baby, our little kitten, still trying to nurse on our comforter, she goes through the motions even when she is drinking water with her paws motioning on the floor like she is nursing. She is so pitiful. It pains me to see her like that. My other two cats have taken her under their wings. They have shown her things like how to play and catch things. She lacks in ways that most would not perceive or understand. I understand it all too well.
While others tried to love me I always felt incomplete. Seems like every time we got a new step dad that they didn't hang around very long. As a little child, there was no safety. No security...No one to trust. No one kept their promises. Disappointment one after the other is all I ever knew. It is hard to learn new things when you are guarded and expecting someone to hurt you, someone to leave you. Hardest of all was feeling like our father did not want us. Yep, this was all to normal for me and my sister.
Today, I realized...I don't even know if I can aptly describe it, but... Sharon loves me and does not have to love me. That is huge to have someone love me unconditionally. I never felt that before and it confused me at first...then it hit me. I am thankful for my half sister and I am so glad that she came into my life. I cherish her.
While I love my sister, Candy. Our past is sealed with sorrow, and pain. It is different having Sharon as a sister because she is well adjusted and was loved. It shows in her life. As for me...I am like that little kitten, I had to substitute different things in my life to survive. Be it food, self hate, low self esteem, and many other self defeating attitudes. I didn't have a family to nurture me, or to show me the way. Even through this break through, I am OK. I am better able to understand where some of my behaviors come from. I am not sure if any of this makes sense, but I hope you get it.
It starts with my half sister, Sharon. Recently, she and I have reconnected. I really value her friendship. I want to protect that friendship as well. As a child, I did not get to have a loving family. There was no trust and I could never depend on my family. This is a basic need that every child should experience. I can not relate to having a father around. I don't even understand that sort of relationship. I see women who adore their dads and I am clueless as to what that must feel like. The life I knew was not like most families. I would not even know what a normal family was like. As far as I knew, our life was normal. That is really a joke when I think about it.
I didn't realize what I missed out on as a child. Yes, I knew things were different. Life was hard. Getting to know Sharon has been such a blessing. She is so kind and sweet to me. She doesn't have to be, but she is. I love her for that. I know she loves me, too. I want to protect that relationship. To safe guard it. It is precious to me. The thought of ever hurting her makes me sad.
Candy, my sister, remembers so much more about our life before our parents divorced. I have blocked out a lot of the pain. I guess it is a way to protect myself from the memories and from the ugly truth. What am I afraid of? I am afraid that my sister will tell her bad things about our dad to our half sister. I can't believe I would even suggest that she would do that, but I am afraid that she would. Sharon, our half sister feels great sorrow for what we went through. I can tell it bothers her. She is very compassionate.
We are more alike than my sister, Candy and I are. While Sharon says that Kenny, one of her brothers, is probably like Candy. They are both quite and retrospective while Sharon and I are eternal optimists and happy people. Sharon is very generous in spirit. She tells me that I am like our father. I like knowing that she can see some of the good traits in me that our father had.
What made my cry was the thought of Sharon ever being hurt. I don't want her to know anything bad about our father. She had him all of her life. It is bittersweet. She ask me did I ever wonder if momma and daddy had never divorced what our lives might have been like? Then she said she would not have been born if my parents had not divorced. It is bittersweet. I am thankful that she had a good childhood with two parents that loved her dearly. Something I will never understand what that feels like. It makes me really sad to have missed out on having a family.
Have you ever seen an orphaned kitty or puppy? The little kitten or puppy missed out on being fully loved, socialized and connected. I see that with this little kitten that we adopted. Her momma was trying to move the three little kittens as cats often do before their eyes are opened. My kitten was found in the shrubs and the other two kittens died. Her eyes were not even opened. A woman found this little kitten, she bottle fed it, loved it, but it was not the same as having her real momma. I see Baby, our little kitten, still trying to nurse on our comforter, she goes through the motions even when she is drinking water with her paws motioning on the floor like she is nursing. She is so pitiful. It pains me to see her like that. My other two cats have taken her under their wings. They have shown her things like how to play and catch things. She lacks in ways that most would not perceive or understand. I understand it all too well.
While others tried to love me I always felt incomplete. Seems like every time we got a new step dad that they didn't hang around very long. As a little child, there was no safety. No security...No one to trust. No one kept their promises. Disappointment one after the other is all I ever knew. It is hard to learn new things when you are guarded and expecting someone to hurt you, someone to leave you. Hardest of all was feeling like our father did not want us. Yep, this was all to normal for me and my sister.
Today, I realized...I don't even know if I can aptly describe it, but... Sharon loves me and does not have to love me. That is huge to have someone love me unconditionally. I never felt that before and it confused me at first...then it hit me. I am thankful for my half sister and I am so glad that she came into my life. I cherish her.
While I love my sister, Candy. Our past is sealed with sorrow, and pain. It is different having Sharon as a sister because she is well adjusted and was loved. It shows in her life. As for me...I am like that little kitten, I had to substitute different things in my life to survive. Be it food, self hate, low self esteem, and many other self defeating attitudes. I didn't have a family to nurture me, or to show me the way. Even through this break through, I am OK. I am better able to understand where some of my behaviors come from. I am not sure if any of this makes sense, but I hope you get it.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I have what?
Life is really good right now. I am enjoying my trainer and exercising. The end results is so worth it. I always finish feeling great. Even when I am hurting it just shows me the power of exercise and endorphins. Please don't let the pain stop you from exercising.
I have been hesitant to write about my visit to the arthritis doctor. I had to ponder the diagnosis, in fact I am still working on it. The good news is that I don't have RA. Thank you Lord. I am so relieved to get that information. What I have has been going on for about twenty years or so. I have been to so many doctors about it and never found any solution. I have had physical therapy, taken muscle relaxants, acupuncture, chiropractic, massages, and even put horse liniment on my joints. I am telling you I have tried it all.
I stand corrected in that RA can go into remission. Seems mine has been healed. A great blessing from God. Every inch of my bones was x-rayed and five tubes of blood taken for tests, and a urine test. After telling him of my history, he did an exam on my body. Bending and twisting arms, legs, head, feet and hands and then he did something I have never experienced before...He hit some hot spots on my body that felt like a bolt of lightening. Pressure points is what he called them. Ouch! That hurt!
While I have given it some thought in the past, I never believed I had this syndrome until today. I have seen people with this and they are so incredible tired and depressed and in immense pain. Not me, I could talk myself out of that diagnosis, but somehow all the pieces fit together and made a lot of sense.
Other symptoms include memory loss and trouble concentrating, stomach problems, sleeping problems, depression, wide spread muscle pain, flu like symptoms, fatigue, mood changes, headaches, restless leg, numbness and swelling of the joints, changes in pain related to weather change, stress or physical activity. In the old days it was called Rheumatism. Today it is called Fibromyalgia.
I didn't believe it until all of the symptoms made a lot of sense. What causes it? The cause is unknown, but is thought to be due to abnormalities in the central nervous function, leading to an amplification of normal pain signal. It is as if the volume control is set too high in the nerves in your body so things that wouldn't cause pain in most people do cause pain in people with Fibromyalgia. It can present itself with other forms of Arthritis. The doctor said that I have Osteoarthritis.
A lot of problems arise when you don't sleep well. I never got into REM sleep ever until I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. In fact, I never got past stage one sleep and I quit breathing several hundred times a night. It's a wonder that my body could not heal. I felt like a walking Zombie all the time. Medication for this varies. I opted for something that diminishes the pain and will help me sleep. It should all make sense to me because I have always been a sensitive person. It was like I was in over load all the time an could not calm down. Thanks to therapy, exercise and medication I am feeling "normal" (what ever normal means) for the first time in a long time. And for that I am very grateful.
I have been hesitant to write about my visit to the arthritis doctor. I had to ponder the diagnosis, in fact I am still working on it. The good news is that I don't have RA. Thank you Lord. I am so relieved to get that information. What I have has been going on for about twenty years or so. I have been to so many doctors about it and never found any solution. I have had physical therapy, taken muscle relaxants, acupuncture, chiropractic, massages, and even put horse liniment on my joints. I am telling you I have tried it all.
I stand corrected in that RA can go into remission. Seems mine has been healed. A great blessing from God. Every inch of my bones was x-rayed and five tubes of blood taken for tests, and a urine test. After telling him of my history, he did an exam on my body. Bending and twisting arms, legs, head, feet and hands and then he did something I have never experienced before...He hit some hot spots on my body that felt like a bolt of lightening. Pressure points is what he called them. Ouch! That hurt!
While I have given it some thought in the past, I never believed I had this syndrome until today. I have seen people with this and they are so incredible tired and depressed and in immense pain. Not me, I could talk myself out of that diagnosis, but somehow all the pieces fit together and made a lot of sense.
Other symptoms include memory loss and trouble concentrating, stomach problems, sleeping problems, depression, wide spread muscle pain, flu like symptoms, fatigue, mood changes, headaches, restless leg, numbness and swelling of the joints, changes in pain related to weather change, stress or physical activity. In the old days it was called Rheumatism. Today it is called Fibromyalgia.
I didn't believe it until all of the symptoms made a lot of sense. What causes it? The cause is unknown, but is thought to be due to abnormalities in the central nervous function, leading to an amplification of normal pain signal. It is as if the volume control is set too high in the nerves in your body so things that wouldn't cause pain in most people do cause pain in people with Fibromyalgia. It can present itself with other forms of Arthritis. The doctor said that I have Osteoarthritis.
A lot of problems arise when you don't sleep well. I never got into REM sleep ever until I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. In fact, I never got past stage one sleep and I quit breathing several hundred times a night. It's a wonder that my body could not heal. I felt like a walking Zombie all the time. Medication for this varies. I opted for something that diminishes the pain and will help me sleep. It should all make sense to me because I have always been a sensitive person. It was like I was in over load all the time an could not calm down. Thanks to therapy, exercise and medication I am feeling "normal" (what ever normal means) for the first time in a long time. And for that I am very grateful.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Facing my fear
Overcoming my fears is something I never thought I could do. In the past, I have overcome my fear of flying. Check that off the list. I am not saying that I am a frequent flyer, but I have been able to get on that giant plane and fly by myself.
In therapy this week, we had a really good session. I think I really surprised her when I told her all the things I had done last week. The gun safety class was the biggest fear that I overcame last week end. My therapist and her husband shoot competition archery. One common denominator is we both like to watch Top Shot on TV. My shooting will be simply for fun and practice to improve my aim.
Another biggy for me is to eat out in a restaurant alone. I have a phobia about eating out by myself. Pretty soon you will know more than you care to know about me. Yikes...Out of the blue I wanted Mexican food. I went to a new place that I had not been and ate lunch by myself. The food was not very good so I didn't stay long. The important thing is that I did it.
Another accomplishment is I bought a new chest of drawers. In my former home, I had the most lovely closet system, then we moved and I had nothing to use. Hubs has his own dresser. I have been using a shelf in the closet for my things. I guess I am a slow learner since it has taken me two years to realize that is what I needed. Anyway...it felt great to get it all organized and in place. I like my closet better without all of the messy stuff.
I tend to let hubs do anything I don't know how to do on the computer. The other night I was determined to send my pictures from my computer to be developed. It took me forever to get them selected and loaded. I did that only to get confused at how to do pay pal. Seems we live so deep in the country that they could not recognize our address. I felt the pang of defeat and left it until the next day. This time I payed directly to the store and had to go pick them up. Next time I will figure out how to have them delivered to my home.
Along with that I scrap booked all 116 photos. I still have some finishing touches to do, but I completed my mission. Geeze...I am starting to call myself an over achiever. LOL! Not really. But all in all it felt good to be on a roll again.
On a good note, I committed to joining Anytime Fitness for two years. My home gym was just not making it for me. I also committed to two days of the week with my trainer. Writing that check was hard to do. I know I am committed now to getting healthy. I bought some new exercise shoes and clothes as well. It helps when your clothes fit right and not so baggy. Wednesday,I had a great session with my trainer, Kristen.
With all of the positives this last week and getting out of my comfort zone I had a set back with my food. I have been craving sweets and indulging in them. I do OK for three or four days and then it hits me...I want something sweet. Argh...The struggle is so overwhelming and I lost the battle. The hardest part for me is to not beat myself up. I am trying to change my whole outlook about food. Letting go of things that don't work and adding it new alternatives.
My therapist brought up an interesting fact. She said that when I get out of my comfort zone, I go back to my old way of comforting myself and that is with food. I hate that I can control so much of my life in many areas, except food. I am learning a new mantra from my dietitian. I did not become this way over night. It will take a while to learn to eat healthy. So I am going to stop beating my head up against the wall. I am focusing on one day at a time. I am afraid of personal success and I use food to undermine myself.
You know this whole thing has been a challenge for me. So much to take in and process. I hope you don't think I am selfish because all I write about is this. This is the first time in my life that I have concentrated on myself. And it feels awkward to say the least. But here I am sharing all of this with you. Thank you for listening to me. I found out that it is OK to be myself.
It is going to be hard to top this week. Next week I concentrate on getting the house clean as a whistle for when our son and his family come to visit on the 19TH. I still have plenty of phobias to over come. Like the dentist. Shudder... that creeps me out to have to go to this dentist so I am changing to a kinder more gentler one. I decided that I do have choices...
In therapy this week, we had a really good session. I think I really surprised her when I told her all the things I had done last week. The gun safety class was the biggest fear that I overcame last week end. My therapist and her husband shoot competition archery. One common denominator is we both like to watch Top Shot on TV. My shooting will be simply for fun and practice to improve my aim.
Another biggy for me is to eat out in a restaurant alone. I have a phobia about eating out by myself. Pretty soon you will know more than you care to know about me. Yikes...Out of the blue I wanted Mexican food. I went to a new place that I had not been and ate lunch by myself. The food was not very good so I didn't stay long. The important thing is that I did it.
Another accomplishment is I bought a new chest of drawers. In my former home, I had the most lovely closet system, then we moved and I had nothing to use. Hubs has his own dresser. I have been using a shelf in the closet for my things. I guess I am a slow learner since it has taken me two years to realize that is what I needed. Anyway...it felt great to get it all organized and in place. I like my closet better without all of the messy stuff.
I tend to let hubs do anything I don't know how to do on the computer. The other night I was determined to send my pictures from my computer to be developed. It took me forever to get them selected and loaded. I did that only to get confused at how to do pay pal. Seems we live so deep in the country that they could not recognize our address. I felt the pang of defeat and left it until the next day. This time I payed directly to the store and had to go pick them up. Next time I will figure out how to have them delivered to my home.
Along with that I scrap booked all 116 photos. I still have some finishing touches to do, but I completed my mission. Geeze...I am starting to call myself an over achiever. LOL! Not really. But all in all it felt good to be on a roll again.
On a good note, I committed to joining Anytime Fitness for two years. My home gym was just not making it for me. I also committed to two days of the week with my trainer. Writing that check was hard to do. I know I am committed now to getting healthy. I bought some new exercise shoes and clothes as well. It helps when your clothes fit right and not so baggy. Wednesday,I had a great session with my trainer, Kristen.
With all of the positives this last week and getting out of my comfort zone I had a set back with my food. I have been craving sweets and indulging in them. I do OK for three or four days and then it hits me...I want something sweet. Argh...The struggle is so overwhelming and I lost the battle. The hardest part for me is to not beat myself up. I am trying to change my whole outlook about food. Letting go of things that don't work and adding it new alternatives.
My therapist brought up an interesting fact. She said that when I get out of my comfort zone, I go back to my old way of comforting myself and that is with food. I hate that I can control so much of my life in many areas, except food. I am learning a new mantra from my dietitian. I did not become this way over night. It will take a while to learn to eat healthy. So I am going to stop beating my head up against the wall. I am focusing on one day at a time. I am afraid of personal success and I use food to undermine myself.
You know this whole thing has been a challenge for me. So much to take in and process. I hope you don't think I am selfish because all I write about is this. This is the first time in my life that I have concentrated on myself. And it feels awkward to say the least. But here I am sharing all of this with you. Thank you for listening to me. I found out that it is OK to be myself.
It is going to be hard to top this week. Next week I concentrate on getting the house clean as a whistle for when our son and his family come to visit on the 19TH. I still have plenty of phobias to over come. Like the dentist. Shudder... that creeps me out to have to go to this dentist so I am changing to a kinder more gentler one. I decided that I do have choices...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
A good night's sleep
It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you. I have had some trouble getting to sleep, but alas, I am sleeping. And I am thankful, very thankful indeed for sleep. I started using my ear plugs again because I am a light sleeper. Hubs sometimes snores even with his Bi-Pap machine. Cats meow in the middle of the night, my dogs bark at every little thing and then there is the light from the windows that inhibits my sleep, especially when it is a full moon.
Yes, I admit it, I am a light sleeper. Sort of a princess and the pea kind of girl. Everything needs to be just right for me to fall asleep. No noise, no light, a cool bedroom (temperature that is) soft sheets, just right pillow, prayers said and then off to a night of blissful sleep. The planets line up and the ocean's tide must all be aligned for a restful sleep. Not really, but sometimes it feels like that to me.
I am hopeful that my sleep deprivation will succumb to a restful night's somber sleep. Yesterday was the first time in weeks that I felt really good. Blood sugar in control really makes a difference. A good night's sleep makes an even bigger difference. I did something that I have been dreading to do for a while. I cleaned house. After forty years of cleaning our home, not to mention keeping our childhood home clean, I am just tired of cleaning. There are only so many ways I can make cleaning fun or pretend it is fun.
I do love the end results. Everything spic and span, rightfully in its place, order and a clean house makes me happy. I know I am strange like that, but what I arrive from it is a sense of peace and calmness. It is my way of keeping control of things. Ooh, that is a bad thing, but it is who I am.
I started in the kitchen clearing Hub's clutter off every counter top. He just loves to keep his things out of order. I have to prod him every now and then to pick up his stuff. As I clean, I remember why I like to clean. I am one of those persons that likes order not chaos. I think everything should have a place. I sometimes succeed and sometimes I don't, but that is what I strive for. I struggle why people don't put things back in its place. To each his own, but my own is created from order and cleanliness.
I swept, vacuumed, mop, dusted, folded clothes, cleaned the master bathroom, straightened up, put away, and even cooked supper and did all the dishes as well. My heart sings a happy song from this house work. I hope today will be as fruitful as yesterday. I made out my list of things to do. I am just going to take it one chore at a time to get the rest of the house in order. I know it sounds like my house is a total mess, it is not a huge mess, but in my mind I am not happy with it.
Our oldest son, his wife and family are moving to Montgomery, Alabama later in March. They will be here on or about the 19Th of March from Colorado Springs, Co. It is time for Spring cleaning before they come. Time to freshen up the guest bedrooms and finish organizing things left undone.
All I can say is thank you for listening to me drone on about my sleep problems. I really appreciate your comments, support, prayers and love. I do believe that is what keeps me going. Thank you for stopping by today. Have a wonderful day.
Yes, I admit it, I am a light sleeper. Sort of a princess and the pea kind of girl. Everything needs to be just right for me to fall asleep. No noise, no light, a cool bedroom (temperature that is) soft sheets, just right pillow, prayers said and then off to a night of blissful sleep. The planets line up and the ocean's tide must all be aligned for a restful sleep. Not really, but sometimes it feels like that to me.
I am hopeful that my sleep deprivation will succumb to a restful night's somber sleep. Yesterday was the first time in weeks that I felt really good. Blood sugar in control really makes a difference. A good night's sleep makes an even bigger difference. I did something that I have been dreading to do for a while. I cleaned house. After forty years of cleaning our home, not to mention keeping our childhood home clean, I am just tired of cleaning. There are only so many ways I can make cleaning fun or pretend it is fun.
I do love the end results. Everything spic and span, rightfully in its place, order and a clean house makes me happy. I know I am strange like that, but what I arrive from it is a sense of peace and calmness. It is my way of keeping control of things. Ooh, that is a bad thing, but it is who I am.
I started in the kitchen clearing Hub's clutter off every counter top. He just loves to keep his things out of order. I have to prod him every now and then to pick up his stuff. As I clean, I remember why I like to clean. I am one of those persons that likes order not chaos. I think everything should have a place. I sometimes succeed and sometimes I don't, but that is what I strive for. I struggle why people don't put things back in its place. To each his own, but my own is created from order and cleanliness.
I swept, vacuumed, mop, dusted, folded clothes, cleaned the master bathroom, straightened up, put away, and even cooked supper and did all the dishes as well. My heart sings a happy song from this house work. I hope today will be as fruitful as yesterday. I made out my list of things to do. I am just going to take it one chore at a time to get the rest of the house in order. I know it sounds like my house is a total mess, it is not a huge mess, but in my mind I am not happy with it.
Our oldest son, his wife and family are moving to Montgomery, Alabama later in March. They will be here on or about the 19Th of March from Colorado Springs, Co. It is time for Spring cleaning before they come. Time to freshen up the guest bedrooms and finish organizing things left undone.
All I can say is thank you for listening to me drone on about my sleep problems. I really appreciate your comments, support, prayers and love. I do believe that is what keeps me going. Thank you for stopping by today. Have a wonderful day.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Balance
HealthTIME
FAMILY
MONEY
ROUTINECRAFTS
Weight
LIFE
LIFE
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Faith
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CHURCH 
LOVE
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EMOTIONS
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Positive ENERGY
SPIRITThis year I want to learn how to balance my life in a good way so I can be more productive.
I yearn to be more expressive in my life.
More Creative.
More at peace.
My word for the year is balance. I want to have some balance in my life. No more of the twisting and juggling acts I do. I am tired of hanging on the edge in hopes that I will come to my center of gravity.
I am dizzy from this dance without purpose.
I want to savor each bite like my morning oatmeal, to enjoy each taste to the fullest. To taste the sun crystals, to detect the inner flavor of life. To simply be in the moment.
More at peace.
My word for the year is balance. I want to have some balance in my life. No more of the twisting and juggling acts I do. I am tired of hanging on the edge in hopes that I will come to my center of gravity.
I am dizzy from this dance without purpose.
I want to savor each bite like my morning oatmeal, to enjoy each taste to the fullest. To taste the sun crystals, to detect the inner flavor of life. To simply be in the moment.
I am here and I am present.
Balance is new for me since you know that I am an all or nothing type of woman. As I enter this season of my life, I want to be healthy in so many areas of my life. Physically, mentally, emotionally fit for the rest of my time here on Earth.
The lack of balance brings so many different feelings to my less than ordinary life. Often it makes me feel insane and at the same time it quinches my thirst for my never ending creativity.
I wonder if will I loose some of that desire to be on the edge, of not complying to the rules of life. Can balance survive without manic moments?
I am not manic yet, though some times I feel like I am on the edge of insaniety. I fight to stay sane, to keep order in my life provides stability.
Yet I have to confess, it is a never ending challenge to keep myself on the path to order.
It does not take much for me to get side tracked and off the path.
What I desire is a balance between the two extremes. Why does daily rountine bore me yet I need it in order to survive?
Do any of you struggle with this?
bal·ance noun \ˈba-lÉ™n(t)s\
Definition of BALANCE
1: an instrument for weighing: as a : a beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends b : a device that uses the elasticity of a spiral spring for measuring weight or force
2: a means of judging or deciding
3: a counterbalancing weight, force, or influence
4: an oscillating wheel operating with a hairspring to regulate the movement of a timepiece
5a : stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis b : equipoise between contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements c : equality between the totals of the two sides of an account
6a : an aesthetically pleasing integration of elements b : the juxtaposition in writing of syntactically parallel constructions containing similar or contrasting ideas
7a : physical equilibrium b : the ability to retain one's balance
8a : weight or force of one side in excess of another b : something left over : remainder c : an amount in excess especially on the credit side of an account
9: mental and emotional steadiness
— bal·anced \-lÉ™n(t)st\ adjective
— in the balance or in balance
: with the fate or outcome about to be determined
— on balance
: with all things considered
See balance defined for English-language learners »
Examples of BALANCE
She had trouble keeping her balance as the boat rocked back and forth.
The skater suddenly lost his balance and fell.
Another skater bumped into him and knocked him off balance.
Gymnasts need flexibility and balance.
She has a good sense of balance.
To provide balance in her news story, she interviewed members of both political parties.
Temperature changes could upset the delicate balance of life in the forest.
To lose weight you need the proper balance of diet and exercise.
The food had a perfect balance of sweet and spicy flavors.
It's important to keep your life in balance.
Origin of BALANCE
Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Vulgar Latin *bilancia, from Late Latin bilanc-, bilanx having two scalepans, from Latin bi- + lanc-, lanx plate
First Known Use: 13th century
Related to BALANCE
Synonyms: counterpoise, equilibration, equilibrium, equipoise, poise, stasis
Thursday, January 13, 2011
What a week I have had. I showed up a day early for my class on diabetes. I call it my trial run and I found out that I need at least an extra ten minutes to get there. So today, I showed up for the real class. I learned some really interesting facts in class today.
I don't have to be afraid of carbs. What? You mean I can eat the white foods? I can't believe it! I can eat rice, baked potato, some pasta and even bread. That is not the information I have been getting. Of course, I have to count all of the carbs, but if I want them I can have them. I already feel less deprived.
I count my carbs, proteins and fats. I admit that I am a little lost right now, but I am sure in time I will get the hang of it. It reminds me of Weight Watchers. I will have to study up on the values. I can tell that I probably eat too many carbs, too much fat and not enough protein. We learned about portion control and the correct amounts of food per serving.
Also, I have to test my blood sugar. I was not prepared for that because my doctor did not tell me I would be testing my blood sugar. It sure is a lot to keep up with right now and I am to write everything down. Ouch! my fingers hurt.
I don't have to be afraid of carbs. What? You mean I can eat the white foods? I can't believe it! I can eat rice, baked potato, some pasta and even bread. That is not the information I have been getting. Of course, I have to count all of the carbs, but if I want them I can have them. I already feel less deprived.
I count my carbs, proteins and fats. I admit that I am a little lost right now, but I am sure in time I will get the hang of it. It reminds me of Weight Watchers. I will have to study up on the values. I can tell that I probably eat too many carbs, too much fat and not enough protein. We learned about portion control and the correct amounts of food per serving.
Also, I have to test my blood sugar. I was not prepared for that because my doctor did not tell me I would be testing my blood sugar. It sure is a lot to keep up with right now and I am to write everything down. Ouch! my fingers hurt.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Getting Fit Is Harder Than It Looks
I have been busy trying to get myself all organized. One of the most beneficial things I did this New Year was to hire a trainer for my work outs. I can hear the questions in your mind. No,no...she doesn't do the exercise. She makes me do the exercise. Today was my first time with Kristen. She is a very sweet young lady. She is all of twenty-one years young, and she likes a challenge. She loves to get old people that are couch potatoes and work them hard. Like I said she loves a challenge.
She put me through all the torture that she had and luckily I survived. I'm not sure I will be able to walk tomorrow. Actually, I enjoyed it a lot because it reminded me of what it felt like to be fit four years ago. Believe it or not I was very fit just a mere four years ago until my struggle with the RA began. Gradually I was able to do less and less exercise. Exercise is one of the best things for RA, but somehow I became very sore and hurt all the time. I stopped moving. I started falling and tripping. I became a clutz.
My plan is to work out with my trainer and on the other days work by myself. I think that will keep me accountable. I have to take charge of my exercise regime and I am the only one that can do that. I have had a bad case of the "don'ts". You know...I don't want to exercise, I don't want to do this or that, but at any rate I have had it bad. Now I am excited to think of the possibility of getting fit.
Along with exercise comes the life style change and better food choices. It seemed so daunting over the holidays. Even though I lost 16 pounds, I was far from where my eating should really be. Tonight we ate baked fish, sweet potatoes with cinnamon, broccoli and cauliflower. I see a lot of fish and chicken in my future. Eating will no longer be my friend. Healthy food lacks in taste and I don't know how I will get around my love of Mexican food. I am sure there has to be a healthy alternative.
I look forward to this journey of living to get healthy again. I say farewell to fast food of any sort. We rarely eat fast food because we live in such a remote area, but I managed to have it once every now and then. Last April, I gave up Dr.Pepper. This fall I gave up sugar. Yikes! I feel like I have given up the World. I am keeping a food journal and now it is time to get serious and give up the last of my favorites...Sweets! I adore cookies. So adios to any kind of cookies. Hello fruits and vegetables, my new best friends.
I will let you know how I am doing as time goes by. Until next time lots of hugs and love to you all.
She put me through all the torture that she had and luckily I survived. I'm not sure I will be able to walk tomorrow. Actually, I enjoyed it a lot because it reminded me of what it felt like to be fit four years ago. Believe it or not I was very fit just a mere four years ago until my struggle with the RA began. Gradually I was able to do less and less exercise. Exercise is one of the best things for RA, but somehow I became very sore and hurt all the time. I stopped moving. I started falling and tripping. I became a clutz.
My plan is to work out with my trainer and on the other days work by myself. I think that will keep me accountable. I have to take charge of my exercise regime and I am the only one that can do that. I have had a bad case of the "don'ts". You know...I don't want to exercise, I don't want to do this or that, but at any rate I have had it bad. Now I am excited to think of the possibility of getting fit.
Along with exercise comes the life style change and better food choices. It seemed so daunting over the holidays. Even though I lost 16 pounds, I was far from where my eating should really be. Tonight we ate baked fish, sweet potatoes with cinnamon, broccoli and cauliflower. I see a lot of fish and chicken in my future. Eating will no longer be my friend. Healthy food lacks in taste and I don't know how I will get around my love of Mexican food. I am sure there has to be a healthy alternative.
I look forward to this journey of living to get healthy again. I say farewell to fast food of any sort. We rarely eat fast food because we live in such a remote area, but I managed to have it once every now and then. Last April, I gave up Dr.Pepper. This fall I gave up sugar. Yikes! I feel like I have given up the World. I am keeping a food journal and now it is time to get serious and give up the last of my favorites...Sweets! I adore cookies. So adios to any kind of cookies. Hello fruits and vegetables, my new best friends.
I will let you know how I am doing as time goes by. Until next time lots of hugs and love to you all.
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