Saturday, September 1, 2012

My sister, Candy

A week ago, my sister was admitted to the hospital.  She was hallucinating.  She stayed in the ER overnight until the doctors could get her a room in a behavioral unit at another hospital.  She is addicted to pain pills and over abuses them.  I don't know how much more her brain and body can take.  It's a wonder she did not die. Still she refuses to go to a nursing home.  She can't cook for herself, she can't take care of herself.  This time her son found her covered in blood from a fall she had taken.  She cut herself. She could not get up off the floor. She was like a zombie.

After talking with her today, she seems much better.  Her psychiatrist stopped her old pain meds and put her on a stronger one.  He stopped her depacote and started her on a mood stabilizer.  She sounded clear headed.  It's hard to believe in her again.  I am doubtful she will stay clean. But I do encourage her to make changes.  It's the same song, but a different verse. I have seen this new start over and over.  In fact, I can predict what will happen next.   It's like a very broken record.

Folks we are weary from all that has happened.  Her son is fed up with her excuses and drama.  I just pray she does the work on herself for real this time.  She won't own her addiction.  Only she can help herself.  I can't wish it for her.  This time something is different in me.  I felt at peace just knowing that she was safe in the hospital.  For this time, I am not worrying about her.  It feels good not to worry.  It sounds hard, but I don't feel sorry for her.  She did all of this.  She blames everyone but herself.  Until she accepts her addiction, I doubt she will ever recovery.

I ask her son if he could deal with this for another twenty years?  She will probably out live all of us.
I think he should put her in a nursing home where she will be administered her meds, eating properly, getting exercise and interacting with others.

As for me, I'm on day twelve of  these antibiotics and they have made me so sick. If I can last two more days, I will be through.  Thank goodness my diverticulitis is better.  I am weak and feel like I have fever.  If an effort to feel better, I started painting my kitchen again. It takes forever to cover red walls.  I will do a little bit each day until it is finished and get a little exercise by going up and down the ladder and squatting to paint the base boards.  I feel like if I stop being active, I will loose ground.  I'm sure next week will be better. On a good note, it was great to watch football again.


Mimi said...

I feel for you, Pam. Sorry you're sick, and going through this with your sister.
"It's the same song, but a different verse." I know what you mean here, we had the same with my brother, then had to cut ties as it was too damaging. Not ideal, not the way I want it, but the only way I could manage it.

Finding Pam said...

Mimi, I understand completely why you cut your ties with your brother. Toxic relationships hurt the soul.

Thanks for recommending that book. I ordered it for myself and one for my sister.

Gail said...

Hi Pam - so sorry to hear of all the frightening disease activity your sister is going through and its powerful effect on you. Please take care of yourself.
Are you aware of a national organization called NAMI, if not pleae contact them - their services are free and they will come to your home to meet with you and provide support services as the family member of someone with mental illness.
Sending all good energy.
Love Gail

p.s. lots going on here - we are in a transition, down sizing, moving, atop my Mom';s recent passing away - July 13th - :-( I miss her so very much.

Finding Pam said...

Gail, I hope everything goes well with your move. I don't think you ever get over loosing your Mom.

I am familiar with NAMI. I use my therapist to deal with all of my issues. It sure helps me.

I'm sending prayers your way.

Peace and love,

Sandee said...

You have your sister pegged perfectly. There is nothing you can do but love her. The rest is up to her, and if she doesn't admit she's an addict then she will never accept all the help that is out there. Too bad.

I hope you feel better soon honey. Big hugs. v

Travis Cody said...

Hang in there with the health and family struggle. Addiction is tough. But as you know, a person can't recover until they own it and mean the ask for help. All the work has to come from the addict.

You want to fix it but you know you can't. That's so hard on family.

DeEtta said...

You have been through so much lately. So sorry:( Take care of your sweet self and keep that peace you feel now, it will help you get better. You and your sister will be in my prayers.
Sending lots of LOVE!!!!

Finding Pam said...

Sandee,Praying for her and that she will own it. I hope love is enough. I appreciate your wisdom. Big old Texas hugs back to you.

Travis,the hardest part is knowing I can't make it better for her. I appreciate your support and kind words.

DeEtta, THank you for your prayers.I know things will get better,but I have to remain positive and live in the moment.
I feel the love,my friend.

Rudee said...

Oh, Candy. Again?

Do you think your family could benefit from Nar-Anon meetings? These are for families of drug addicts wherein you can learn more about her addiction, and more about your own role in that mess. Suffice it to say, a lot of us are enablers and usually have a lot to learn.

Just in case you may be, here is a list of Texas meeting places:

In case you aren't close, but nearer another state, they have a data base of meeting places for every state.

Antibiotics are powerful drugs that do make you feel just about as awful as the original infection makes you feel, Pam. I hope you're better, soon.


Chickie said...

Pam, I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this and hope Candy realizes that she needs to take responsibility for herself. I know how hard it is worrying over someone.

Sarah (Nikki) said...

Hi Pam...stopped by to send you hugs and let you know I'm thinking about you...Stay strong out there.....

Akelamalu said...

I'm sorry to hear Cindy is bad again, I hope things improve.

You take good care of yourself. x