Well, as I ended my last story about my childhood I was in the first grade and we were on our sixth move in three years. I told you all about my second Step-father, Bill, or as we called him...Cool Daddy-O. Where to start the next couple of years? He met momma at Arthur Murrey Dance studio.
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Momma and Bill didn't stay married very long. Sometimes I think the only reason she married him was because I needed surgery. Bill didn't stay long and I never heard from him again. Just a bleep in my memory. What I do remember though, is I had a bad temper and every time I pitched a fit, he made me sit on the floor and build card houses. No matter where we were I soon learned to build sky scrappers out of a deck of cards. I'm sure I learned a lot of patience from him.
After Bill and momma divorced, we moved into this cute little house. Ophelia, our care taker was there to love us. I loved her so much and always wanted to go home with her. Once again, I went to a new school. To this day I think that is why I make friends everywhere I go. Although at that time in my life I was so shy and scared. Candy and I playing at the dance studio. Momma on the left.
We did not live there long maybe a year. Momma was never home. She was at work or at the dance studio. She dated a lot of creepy men during that time. They were awful. My sister and I knew how to get rid of them. We just acted up and they would leave. Children should not have to witness the things we did. My mother must have thought we did not pay any attention to her acts. I knew what she was doing, and I was ashamed of her.
We had bunk bed in the one bedroom apt. with our mother. We witnessed too much. It scarred me for a long time. It changed me, I was robbed of my youth and innocence. I resented her for most of my life, until one day I was able to forgive her.
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Momma and Bill didn't stay married very long. Sometimes I think the only reason she married him was because I needed surgery. Bill didn't stay long and I never heard from him again. Just a bleep in my memory. What I do remember though, is I had a bad temper and every time I pitched a fit, he made me sit on the floor and build card houses. No matter where we were I soon learned to build sky scrappers out of a deck of cards. I'm sure I learned a lot of patience from him.
After Bill and momma divorced, we moved into this cute little house. Ophelia, our care taker was there to love us. I loved her so much and always wanted to go home with her. Once again, I went to a new school. To this day I think that is why I make friends everywhere I go. Although at that time in my life I was so shy and scared. Candy and I playing at the dance studio. Momma on the left.
We did not live there long maybe a year. Momma was never home. She was at work or at the dance studio. She dated a lot of creepy men during that time. They were awful. My sister and I knew how to get rid of them. We just acted up and they would leave. Children should not have to witness the things we did. My mother must have thought we did not pay any attention to her acts. I knew what she was doing, and I was ashamed of her.
We had bunk bed in the one bedroom apt. with our mother. We witnessed too much. It scarred me for a long time. It changed me, I was robbed of my youth and innocence. I resented her for most of my life, until one day I was able to forgive her.
So many episodes from my childhood have affected me and now I am learning how to deal as an adult in a healthy way with my challenges. I am beginning to understand some of my actions and know where they came from. I want to get better and not always blame myself.
3 comments:
We have some things in common. I too was ashamed of my mom, but not for the same reasons. she had this really soft sweet voice that I hated (which of course I would love to hear today), but she was Super religious. I used to think if I heard her say one more time "Just take it to the Lord in prayer Hon", that I would just die. I don't know why it bothered me so much. I guess because she wasn't like all the other 'normal' moms. I heard that quote throughout my life for so many things that I really needed to talk about. It felt like she would rather say that than deal with my problems.
Anyway your post touched me today, and for That I thank you. And yes, I now do take things to the Lord in prayer. I just don't use it as an excuse. :)
Momma went through her religious kick as well as the other crazy things she did. I understand how that could bother you. Even in all my mother's badness, she did have a unique out look on life. I had a love hate relationship with her.
Hello, Pam. I had a disfunctional childhood too and can relate to a lot of what you say.
I have learned to forgive my parents, as I hope my own children will learn to forgive me for my shortcomings. Nice to meet you.
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