RIP, Bruno

My cat has been sick to the point of dying.  He has been sick before like this because he has kidney failure.  Two years ago, the vet treated him for this with lots of medicine, and fluids via IV,  and we had to give him medicine for most of that summer.  He hated that medicine, but it did buy him some time. It took a while, but he did get back on his feet again.  Slowly, he gained a little weight back.  He went from being a ten pound cat to about six pounds.

Bruno, our cat, is after all old.  He is around seventeen years of age.  He is the best cat we have ever had.  Believe me when I say we have had a lot of cats in the forty-one years we have been married.  He is not like an ordinary cat because he is not aloof.  He likes people, other cats, dogs, and just about any animal he meets.  He is Mr. Personality Plus.  He is vocal, in fact, we carry on some interesting conversations during the day. 

This curiously, interesting kitten came to us through a friend. Our friend worked with Hubs and bought a black lab puppy and this black kitten. He said he wanted to raise them together. Some how he decided he did not want the cat, so we took him. Thus our journey began.

He grew into a big and mighty cat named Bruno De Catrio. You know after the famous actor, Leonardo De Caprio. Of course it was a joke, but the name fit him perfectly. He feared nothing. He proved his prowess over and over.

He started out being Hubs' cat, but eventually he became my cat, since I'm the one that feeds him, loves him and brushes him. He is my constant companion.  He is at my computer in the morning when I drink my coffee.  He sits with me when I eat breakfast and he follows me outside in the yard.  He is a great companion.  He walks with me on my trail.  He is never far from my side.

He has not eaten anything since last Wednesday.  He has stopped drinking water until yesterday.  He did manage about five sips of water.  He has this vigil that he makes in the yard.  Down to the pond, then over to the storage building and then to the front of the house where he has been laying in the flower bed underneath the red tipped photina.  He has never done this before...ever.

I have never seen a cat with such a deep inner strength to keep on going.  It is like nothing I have ever witnessed before.  He is a stubborn, unrentless cat that is persistent to the end.  I like that about him. 

Two nights ago, in the early morning hours, I let him in the bedroom.  He came to me and walked circles around my head and then to my feet.  He walked three times around me.  Strange...isn't it?

I know animals don't have souls, but he does have a spirit.  Since God created the animals.  How could our beloved pets not be included in Heaven.  Surely, God loves them too.  I believe in the Rainbow Bridge.  I know I will see all of my former beloved pets there.  I even hope I get to work there in Heaven at the bridge. 

Back to my story...in the wee hours of the morning, I am praying to God that Bruno doesn't suffer.  He has been too good of a pet to have to suffer in death.  I have held it back, the urge to cry takes over me.  I'm trying to put on a brave front, but I loose it.  I feel silly... he is just a cat, but he is our cat and I love him so much. 

Mt tears subside and I continue my prayers.  I relent...not my will, God, but Your will be done.  I give up any control I may have thought I had.  It is up to God if he needs him.  Whatever happens, I know Bruno will be fine.  I'm not so sure about me.

What this is really about is how much I have walled off my heart to avoid being blind sided by death.  This February will mark twenty years since my mother died.  Her death was one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life besides loosing my beloved grandparents and my beloved step-father, Ben.

I'm not ready for any more death, but I know that the next death could be my husband or even my sister or me.  I don't know how one gets over loosing a beloved spouse.  I don't want to be the one left behind.  It has gone all too fast and I don't want to reach the end.  Not yet. 

Of course, if I go first, then no worries because I can think of nothing greater than to go to my heavenly home.  Being sleep deprived has made me yearn for my loved ones that has passed.  Seeing the whole picture and why Bruno being sick as affected me so much. 

I hate being so overly emotionally.  I always have been.  It's not something I am proud of, but it is who I am.  I am a little melancoly about life this Easter weekend. 

Today, Wednesday, April 3, 2013, we took Bruno to the vet.  They ran bloodwork, and confirmed he was dying.  The vet put him to sleep for us.  It is a sad day for us.  I am thankful for all the many years of companionship and love we had with Bruno.